Well, you heard it here first, folks: Jerry was not Jesus. The morning came and there was no news of his rising back from the dead on CNN, FOX, or the Weather Channel (I was expecting the sky to fall if he did). And his corpse is not missing, but in actuality, is still being prepped to rot for eternity in dirt with the worms.
Donations for Jerry and his family or the Liberty University should be made in the form of blank checks and then dropped off at my house. And don't worry about the amount on the check, I'm sure God will tell me what is appropriate. Right, Jerry? *Sniff* I think I smell something burning...
Update 05/19/07: Damn, just when I thought I was through wasting my breath on this son of a bitch, I stumbled across more things he said here:
The first one about prostitutes is actually kind of funny, but the rest just piss me off...
“Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions.”
“Textbooks are Soviet propaganda.”
“It appears that America's anti-Biblical feminist movement is at last dying, thank God, and is possibly being replaced by a Christ-centered men's movement which may become the foundation for a desperately needed national spiritual awakening.”
But instead of getting angry, Jerry, I know what you deserve instead. I'm going to forget you. If someone mentions your name around me again, I'm going to act like I've never heard of you. Maybe eventually I'll be telling the truth, and maybe if enough people do the same, you will be forgotten forever. Goodbye, you cunt.