May 17, 2007

Jerry gently passes away.

Jerry Falwell was found unconscious by his colleague, Ron Godwin, in his office around 10:45 a.m. on Tuesday after they had breakfast together. He later died at Lynchburg General Hospital after CPR was unsuccessful. It’s so sad. That is not how this man should have died. I can't believe no one had the balls to step up to the plate and take a swing at this piece of shit. He should have gone out crying like a bitch and gurgling his own blood. How this fucker made it to 73, I will never understand.

For a little bit of information on who Jerry was, let’s see what his self-founded
Liberty University
had to say about him:

“Falwell was not particularly religious until his sophomore year of college in 1952, when Falwell said he underwent a religious conversion. Instead of accepting an offer to play professional baseball with the St. Louis Cardinals, he transferred to the Baptist Bible College in Springfield, Mo.”

He turned down professional baseball? Religious conversion, my ass. I’ll bet he was just too chicken shit to take the chance of getting his ass handed to him in the big leagues.

“Four years later, Falwell returned to Lynchburg, where he founded Thomas Road Baptist Church, which started with 35 members. Today, the church has 24,000 members and the annual revenues of all of his ministries total more than $200 million.”

Holy fuck! No wonder he didn’t play baseball. There’s just not enough money in professional sports to support a man and his family anymore. No, for that you need religion.

I think Jerry thought he was Jesus. He once said the
was "the inerrant Word of God, and totally accurate in all respects." Jerry also said that the Antichrist would be a male Jew who may already be alive. Jesus, Jerry, could you say anything worse for yourself? Of course you could. After September 11th, Jerry claimed gays and feminists were to blame by incurring the wrath of God.

And no porn, Jerry? You apparently wanted to judge everything and everyone except the Bible. Come on, Jerry, it's just porn. You may have enjoyed doing it, but I just can't bring myself to jerk off to any of the chapters in "Exodus."

Jerry was one stupid bastard, and just like a brain-damaged little kid who licks the frost in a freezer, Jerry just kept coming back for more. He once said, “I do question the sincerity and non-violent intentions of some civil rights leaders such as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Mr. James Farmer, and others, who are known to have left wing associations,” and "Labor unions should study and read the Bible instead of asking for more money. When people get right with God, they are better workers." Maybe Jerry died choking on some of his own words. Or maybe God just got sick of Jerry speaking for Him, and finally told Jerry what He really thought with a big fucking lightning bolt.

Like I said, I think Jerry thought he was Jesus, but I think a lot of other people did too. Well, we all remember Jesus rose from the dead three days later. So I guess we’ll see if Jerry finds his way back tomorrow. If he does, then I'll admit I was wrong, and Jerry will be my true lord and savior. I promise.

But for now, I hope you packed some sunscreen, Jerry, because I hear Hell is pretty hot this time of year. So long, motherfucker.

No comments:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...