February 24, 2009

This little book is long overdue.

"'Spider-Man, Turn Off the Dark' will open on Broadway on February 18, 2010 with music and lyrics written by U2's Bono and The Edge. The show is inspired by more than 40 years of Marvel Spider-Man comic books, but spins a new take on the tale of Peter Parker, who finds himself endowed with astonishing powers after he is bitten by a genetically altered spider.'

Yes, you read that correctly. Bono is going to write music for a Spider-Man Broadway musical. If the earth opened up and Hell arose from beneath the stage, I wouldn't even be the least bit surprised. To tell the truth, I'd actually be relieved.

"Bono and The Edge, one half of U2, will make their Broadway debut by creating new music and lyrics for the 'Spider-Man, Turn Off the Dark.' Casting for the show is yet to be announced."

"Bono and The Edge, one half of U2," as if U2 was some kind of fucking superhero team, actually believe they're still cool and hip enough to make music people enjoy. Actually, I think Bono believes he's a superhero, with all of the 'humanitarian' work he does. The fuck was nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize, and even knighted by Queen Elizabeth II. As Slu would say, "What a dick."


His music is terrible (even the old shit), his ego is off the scale, and there's nothing creepier than an old man trying to be cool in front of a bunch of kids by attempting to dress and act like them. At the start of his career he made himself out to be a Bob Dylan or Willie Nelson with his vague and generalized 'protest' lyrics and attempt at singing.

As the years progressed, and record sales declined, the hack decided to be an artist in marketing, you could say. He sold-out quicker than light beer and nachos at NASCAR. Need proof? Here's an I-Pod commercial from 2004. I remember this one well, and decided to look it up for this. Despite everyone else being silhouetted, which is the way they had always done these commercials until this one, Bono is seen quite clearly.

Show me someone who still listens to U2 and I'll show you someone who's over the hill and can't escape the past. If there was ever a reason for me to be ashamed of being Irish, Bono would be it. There are no known words to me to express my hatred for this piece of shit. And there is no known crime that I wish would befall him. I hope there is a Hell, solely for the purpose of Bono burning in it for all eternity.


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