August 1, 2009

9 movies in '09 you're too lazy to watch.

With a metric fuckton of movies out this year, like The Hangover, Star Trek, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Terminator Salvation, Halloween 2, Friday the 13th, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, My Bloody Valentine 3-D, Land of the Lost, The Taking of Pelham 123, Final Destination 4, Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian, The Twilight Saga: New Moon, and Fast & Furious, there's a lot of badass films getting missed by you lazy bastards. Your loss. Funny thing about that, too: only one of those movies (The Hangover) isn't a remake or a sequel. That's completely fucking sad. Here's nine movies so far this year that you've obviously missed, most being far better than some of the shit that's breaking records at the box office. So get off your lazy ass and watch some movies that Hollywood didn't have the pleasure of splooging their saturated, tainted, uncreative juices all over. Best to not-so-best:

1. Martyrs

2. Surveillance

3. Outlander

4. Dead Snow

5. All the Boys Love Mandy Lane

6. Deadgirl

7. The Uninvited

8. Night Train

9. The Girlfriend Experience

Some of these movies were made before 2009, but didn't officially get released until this year. Also keep in mind that trailers sometimes suck. For instance, Mandy Lane is not the typical slasher film that it looks like, and the ending has bigger balls than most movies do, post-Columbine that is. Oh, and yes, I know The Uninvited is an American remake of the Korean film Janghwa, Hongryeon. This is me not giving a fuck. Why? Because the original, aside from the superior acting, was fucking terrible. In fact, I'd go so far as to say it's the worst Korean movie I've seen, which is around twenty or so now. So strike that up with Zach Snyder's Dawn of the Dead and Rob Zombie's Halloween as one of the only good remakes. Oh, and once I see the indie movie called Moon, I'm sure it'll be right there on top. But it didn't get a wide release, mainly because of shallow-minded fucks like you who'd rather see shit like Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Twilight, and Dance Flick.

No comments:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...