So after work I decided I’d finally go buy ’Black Sheep’. As you can tell by the cover, it’s about zombie sheep in New Zealand. Sounds badass. I figured Hasting’s would have it. But the fuckers didn’t. So I picked up two other zombie movies I hadn’t seen yet instead, and turned my night into a zombie movie marathon. Here’s how it turned out:
Resident Evil: Extinction
I was hoping for the best with this one. The first was kickass, and though Apocalypse was somewhat disappointing (especially Nemesis), the trailers looked pretty fucking good. I got about the same enjoyment out of it as the second. Nothing spectacular, nothing horrible. It threw in a lot of cool shit, like: zombie birds, a pryo scene that made me think of the Phoenix, and a slight overall feel that reminded me of ’Day of the Dead.’ But I’m tired of this clone kick that everyone in Hollywood seems to be on. It’s fucking tired. And how in the fuck was that mutated scientist supposed to be cool, let alone the main ’boss’ fight at the end? That shit was as fucking pathetic as it gets. Also, why the hell did all 30 people in the band of survivors get out at every stop they made? Oh, so they could kill off everyone from the previous movies and leave an open ending for the next installment which will apparently only have one person in the cast: Alice, one million times over. Good action, good effects, shitty dialog, and piece of shit plot. 3 severed zombie heads (out of 5).
I knew what I was getting into with this one. A low budget and the whole movie filmed in 9 days. I was expecting zero plot, poor acting, but lots of blood and some precision chainsaw-to-the-face combos. It started off like I expected, with a bunch of pansy high school kids like you see in all the clichéd teen flicks. But I knew this was gonna be good about thirty minutes in when a zombie punched through a chick’s stomach, pulled out a fetus, and ate it. Wow. Despite the serious need of more testosterone in these whiny bitches (especially the men), this movie had it all: shotguns, chainsaws, baseball bats, and even brass knuckles. Then the whole movie went to shit in the last 20 minutes with a fucking moronic ending (military-created zombies after Vietnam) and a huge "To be continued…" before the credits rolled. Fucking lame. 2 severed zombie heads (out of 5).
Dawn of the Dead (2004)
Ok, so after those two (somewhat) shitty zombie movies, I put in one that was already my own that I just couldn’t go wrong with. One of the only good remakes, ever. You can’t go wrong with the same director as ’300’ (and the upcoming ’Watchmen’); same music composer as ’300’, Rob Zombie’s ’Halloween’, and ’Doomsday’; Ving Rhames, and a guy perched on a rooftop sniping celebrity look-a-likes. This movie just kicks fucking ass all around. Romero started this zombie shit. There’s no denying it. But in my mind, this is probably the best it will get. I really don’t need to say more. If you haven’t seen it, you’re fucking bait. And you’re not ready. Because they’re coming. 5 severed zombie heads (out of 5).
"When there’s no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the earth."