October 24, 2008

23 flavors that all resemble shit.

The 'vice president of marketing' for a soda company made a bet with a band that was popular twenties years ago that they'd never release the album that's been seventeen years in-the-making. Unfortunately, Dr. Pepper lost to Guns N' Roses, and now on November 23, every man, woman, and child can get a coupon for a free can of the shittiest cola in existence.

And while you're at it, pick up the shitty CD (Chinese Democracy), too. And yes, I've heard it. I downloaded it, listened to two songs, deleted it, and then took a shower. Wallowing in that shit for ten minutes made me feel sad and dirty. But then I felt like Axl: all washed-up.

"Coupons will be available for 24 hours, starting at 12:01 a.m. Eastern Time on Nov. 23, 2008. Allow 4-6 weeks for coupon to arrive. Coupons will expire on Feb. 28, 2009. Limit one coupon per person." 4-6 weeks and a limit to one per person based on the fact that there's not currently enough Dr. Pepper in the world to cater to the 300 or 400 people who will actually redeem their coupons.

"So get out your straws and chill those glasses, kids — the Dr will be in your fridge soon, all thanks to Mr. Axl Rose."

I guess this is all = bad taste x 2. Does anyone remember when Axl Rose wasn't a coke/meth/fuck/dick-head? Yeah, me neither.

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