Between cages at a retard zoo.

Let me first start off by saying that the belief that on December 21, 2012 the world will end is a New Age belief, which really isn't very in tune with also believing in Christianity. There are actually just as many people, who believe in New Age, that think mankind will be "elevated to a higher level" on this date, instead of ending. Not that I care what that even means.

Here's another fact: despite the Mayan calendar ending on this date, it was never once written that it was the end of civilization. Did you realize that there are actually modern Maya communities in Guatemala? But then I guess they don't use calendars, since their old ones ran out of days, right?

In fact, there are multiple Mayan calendars, some even used today. One calendar had 260-days, one had 365, another had 52, and 20, and one was even 13-days long. Each was simply a cycle that repeated. They tracked Venus on a 584-day cycle. But most interesting of all was their calendar that was a total of 819-days, which repeated "sets of 9- and 13-day intervals associated with different groups of deities, animals and other significant concepts." A calendar associated with their own gods. And you people think they also predicted the end of the world? I don't think God would be too happy with you if he heard that.

Hell, here's how advanced they were. They never had anything comparable to a leap year. Why is this so significant? Because you're all relying so much on the Mayan mathematics for this date. Basically, "the Haab' (Maya version of the 365-day calendar) was crude and inaccurate, since it treated the year as having 365 days, and ignored the extra quarter day in the actual tropical year. This meant that the seasons moved with respect to the calendar year by a quarter day each year, so that the calendar months named after particular seasons no longer corresponded to these seasons after a few centuries."

Here's food for thought. Let's assume that they actually did make a prophecy about 2012 being the end. To this day, we are still not one hundred-percent sure how the Maya civilization was destroyed/destroyed itself. And that was in the past, which we can study. But you believe that people who had slaves, made human sacrifices, and probably destroyed themselves with corruption of power could see into the future almost a millenia, but not well enough to foresee their own downfall? Makes perfect sense.

2012 is bullshit. Please stop spewing it.



And boycott Roland Emmerich's next piece of shit movie. You're only encouraging other stupid people. This is the same man that brought you: Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow, Godzilla (1998), Stargate, and 10,000 BC. His movies are rooted completely in facts, right? I do love how 2012 practically claims it's true though. Do what Emmerich says, Google it. Two minutes later you'll realize he's full of shit. It's just Hollywood banking off your retardation and mass hysteria.

Tonight I single out Billy Corgan.

"In an interview with the Chicago Tribune, Billy Corgan expressed his interest in becoming a band that only releases singles from now on. Talking about 'Zeitgeist', he says, 'We're done with that. There is no point. People don't even listen to it all. They put it on their iPod, they drag over the two singles, and skip over the rest.' He adds, 'Our primary function now is to be a singles band that drives Pumpkins Inc through singles. We'll still be creative, but in a different form.'"

Shit. What the hell is happening to music? Am I the only one noticing? It's almost as if this idea of digital music instead of hard copies is completely confusing musicians, and the only way that they can contend with the future is to go pop. More and more, I think Tyler is onto something here. So I'll quote one of his (and now my) favorite bands, Enter Shikari: "Look what you've done to yourself. Yeah, you've lost the will to do what's right again."

I, for one, actually enjoyed 'Zeitgeist' very much. So I'm not stuck in the past, too much. But I can't deny the Pumpkins were in their glory days during 'Mellon Collie' and 'Adore'. Corgan seemed to have more inspiration then, before Zwan and before his solo effort (both of which weren't too bad really). But it was also before he completely pissed off two of the other three band members. The Smashing Pumpkins died May 2000. Since then it's just been Billy Corgan Inc. And though I respect him as an artist, his ego could cover the world over (which normally I'd respect, except when you drive away a hot bassist like D'arcy).


Hey, Corgan: "Go tell all your friends that this is the end."

Why I hate the 80's.

I hate the 80's because not all of its pop icons are dead yet. Remember back when I wrote about washed-up, 80's soft-core rock dick Axl Rose preparing to finally release his 'long-awaited' CD, 'Chinese Democracy,' which makes no sense at all? Yeah, I almost forgot about that special event too. I almost forgot about disgusting Dr. Pepper's bet too:

"In March the manufacturer made headlines by saying it would give out cans of its 123-year-old soft drink if the album, “Chinese Democracy,” came out by the end of the year. That was by no means a sure proposition, since Mr. Rose had failed to meet so many deadlines over the years that the album had become the music industry’s most notorious (and expensive) shaggy-dog story."

Yeah, a few weeks ago I downloaded it and after two songs, I deleted the entire CD off my computer. But now I just read that "it took Axl Rose 14 years to complete the latest Guns N’ Roses album. But it took his lawyers only two days to take Dr Pepper to task for not making good on a promise of free soda to “everyone in America” in celebration. On Sunday the album was finally released, and Dr Pepper gave fans 24 hours to go to its Web site for a coupon redeemable for a can of soda; so many did that the site crashed, and the deadline was extended to Monday.

On Tuesday his lawyers sent a harshly worded letter to the soft drink maker complaining of its “appalling failure to make good on a promise it made to the American public,” and demanding a public apology, more time for thirsty fans, and payment for piggybacking on the “Chinese Democracy” publicity."

What in the crap? I guess some thousands of people actually wanted (free) Dr. Pepper. I'll be damned. Or maybe Dr. Pepper's bandwidth sucks. You choose. But you gotta love that dick's ego. When is he gonna realize that he had no talent 20 years ago, and his only real fans were 15 year old girls who wanted to fuck him?

Even if you ignore his shitty attempt at singing, he looks (and looked) like he just came off a 3 week binge of vodka, Big Macs, meth, and sloppy sex with hookers (who might not even all be female). If Lynyrd Skynyrd is king of white trash, and Kid Rock is prince, Axl is the court jester. But it's just our luck he's not the mime. Fuck Axl. Fuck GNR. And fuck Dr. Pepper. Oh, and if you bought 'Chinese Democracy,' fuck you too.

(I’m so glad my high school and Ivy Tech art classes paid off. Actually, I just realized I'm terrible at drawing dicks. That's a good thing.)

In a completely unrelated note, I'm going to post this:

LIGHTS - Drive My Soul (official music video)

$10 to the first person who names what movie this is inspired by. And be honest, no cheating. Don't go look it up, you prick.

Funniest fucking thing I've ever heard.

"An Indiana State Police trooper is being credited with saving a Lafayette donut shop, after noticing it on fire early this morning as he was passing. The trooper busted a glass door and put out the flames with a fire extinguisher.

According to a release from Indiana State Police, Trooper Ryan Winters had just finished inspecting a semi at the Knight's Inn on Indiana 26 around 1:49 a.m., when he noticed flames at the nearby Krispy Kreme donut shop at 4030 State Road 26 East as he was driving away.
Winters notified dispatchers, then busted out the front glass door to see if anyone was inside. The business was closed and nobody was inside.

According to the release, Winters grabbed a fire extinguisher and put out the fire that had started in the kitchen area."

Everyone who despises cop/donut jokes just choked on these words harder than a dick. The best part is that this was probably the most work he did all week long. He's not even a firefighter or anything. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you have your priorities straight and a real motive to act, isn't it? Motherfucker.

Simple life.

I miss playing Shingen the Ruler. And Klax. And Conquest of the Crystal Palace. I miss spending countless hours in front of the shitty-ass TV Kevin and I had in our room, (not) watching the hours pass by while we kicked the shit out of Lich and Kary in Final Fantasy, showed Bald Bull who's boss in Punchout!, and ran our asses off on the GamePad, hopping hurdles in Track & Field II.


I miss playing Super C, and Super Mario Brothers, and Tecmo Super Bowl with my father, brother, cousins, and friends, and letting those pixels teach me all about life. I miss Defender II, Lifeforce, Mega Man 2, Metroid, Dr. Mario, and Tetris. I miss smashing my controllers and shouting about how my games cheat. So what the hell happened? I miss my 8-bit life.


Fuck.

Fuck penance.

I don't really have the will or patience (or maybe creativity) to write anything funny about this. I'll just post the funny parts and let you laugh at that instead:

A Catholic priest in South Carolina has decided that the democratic act of casting a vote is, in some cases, a mortal sin. Therefore, he has decided that parishioners who voted for Barack Obama are not entitled to the grace of Jesus Christ through communion until they've done penance.

"Persons in this condition should not receive Holy Communion until and unless they are reconciled to God in the Sacrament of Penance, lest they eat and drink their own condemnation."

I knew this shit wouldn't stop after the elections were over.

Damnit all to fuck.

I can't find a working torrent of Repo! anywhere. Fucking movie's only playing in six theaters too. Gonna be waiting a fucking while it seems. Anyway, here's a nice little vid of the badass Paris Hilton. Tell me she's not hot. Seriously.

Here's my braless support.

This is not the "single, greatest, and most influential moment of my life." Sorry. Most people seem to have some kind of neurological condition that forces them to believe that any and every event that occurs in their lifetime is something spectacular compared to the last five billion years of Earth's history, and that these events will be remembered for years and years.

If an average American was assigned the task of writing a history book, chronologically describing America's past based upon their own knowledge, there would be very little in the book other than the happenings within their own lives. And that's why people think that anything notable that happens in their short, miserable lives eclipses every other event in history: they're too ignorant and apathetic to research and learn on their own. But, they do get to vote. Makes sense to me.

Happy Election Day, or whatever. I voted this year too. Well, I voted by not voting. See, I think Bush needs another four years. It's not that he deserves it or anything. He was just really onto something: peace through annihilation. He's such a horribly underrated man of our time. He just forgot a few hundred other countries. But he does still have a few months left in his term. Let's hope he doesn't get lazy in the home-stretch. This is no time to start slacking off. Let the bombs fall and don't forget to save a few for us.

Update: Obama won. I'll give it to him. He did a hell of a job. But guess how much Indiana helped him out? Here, I'll circle the state on the map in case you idiots don't remember where we're located:

23 flavors that all resemble shit.

The 'vice president of marketing' for a soda company made a bet with a band that was popular twenties years ago that they'd never release the album that's been seventeen years in-the-making. Unfortunately, Dr. Pepper lost to Guns N' Roses, and now on November 23, every man, woman, and child can get a coupon for a free can of the shittiest cola in existence.

And while you're at it, pick up the shitty CD (Chinese Democracy), too. And yes, I've heard it. I downloaded it, listened to two songs, deleted it, and then took a shower. Wallowing in that shit for ten minutes made me feel sad and dirty. But then I felt like Axl: all washed-up.

"Coupons will be available for 24 hours, starting at 12:01 a.m. Eastern Time on Nov. 23, 2008. Allow 4-6 weeks for coupon to arrive. Coupons will expire on Feb. 28, 2009. Limit one coupon per person." 4-6 weeks and a limit to one per person based on the fact that there's not currently enough Dr. Pepper in the world to cater to the 300 or 400 people who will actually redeem their coupons.

"So get out your straws and chill those glasses, kids — the Dr will be in your fridge soon, all thanks to Mr. Axl Rose."

I guess this is all = bad taste x 2. Does anyone remember when Axl Rose wasn't a coke/meth/fuck/dick-head? Yeah, me neither.

'Ten Leagues Beneath Contempt'

I am the biggest fan of Cradle of Filth I know. That’s how I realized I am so badass. I was listening to Filth in junior high, while I was listening to Third Eye Blind and Sugar Ray. Metallica and Megadeth didn’t introduce me to metal. Dani Filth did.

In late 1997, when I was in 8th grade, just before “Cruelty and the Beast” was released, I stumbled upon the mp3 of ‘A Gothic Romance (Red Roses for the Devil’s Whore)’ from “Dusk and Her Embrace,” CoF’s second album. It was completely different from what I was listening to at the time, and I became immersed in black metal without really even knowing what metal was. It was before Tool, In Flames, Metallica, Children of Bodom, and Arch Enemy. I downloaded the rest of the album, and even their first album before it, “The Principle of Evil Made Flesh.” I listened to both for the next few months, and purchased “Dusk,” as well as “Cruelty and the Beast” when it released.

Since then, I’ve bought every album; EPs and LPs, all three DVDs, the “Cradle of Fear” movie, shirts, and posters. The only CD I never justified buying was the EP “Vempire or Dark Faerytales in Phallustein,” considering it was $23 for six songs (which I just downloaded instead). I brag about all of this for a reason. ‘True fans’ of Cradle of Filth over the years have drifted from each release since they ‘left’ black metal, and went for a cleaner sound. I’m referring to ‘elitists’ who claim the first album, or first few, of a band are the only worthwhile efforts, and any subsequent attempts are sell-outs.

This is interesting in Cradle of Filth’s case, considering the arguably best effort was in 2003’s “Damnation and a Day,” a concept album based around the devil’s fall from Heaven, his temptation of Man, and the events following. “Damnation” featured "the 40-piece Budapest Film Orchestra and 32-piece Budapest Film Choir and is partly based on John Milton's epic poem 'Paradise Lost.'” Definitely sold-out.

Ignoring the fact that they could simply keep “Prinicple” or “Dusk” in their CD players, they continue to bash each release more and more without giving any of it a chance. Ironically enough, some of Filth’s best work musically has been the ones that come under so much fire: “Midian,” “Damnation,” Nymphetamine,” and “Thornography,” the latter being the most recent and the most hated. So it’s no surprise that “Godspeed on the Devil’s Thunder,’ which releases at the end of this month is already despised by these cunts who claim to be fans of metal.

So I downloaded the torrent for it today. I still buy good music, like today, when I bought Amon Amarth’s newest, “Twilight of the Thunder God.” So fuck off. I wasn’t really sure what to expect, because it’s true that their sound has been changing lately, but that’s not to say that it’s horrible or it’s not metal. What I found out for myself was that “Godspeed” is the best music they’ve put out since “Damnation.”

“Godspeed” is a concept album, “based on the life of the infamous 15th century French nobleman, Giles de Rais, who fought alongside Joan of Arc and accumulated great wealth before becoming a serial killer, sexual deviant and Satanist.” Concept albums are well-known to Filth: “Cruelty” being based on Elizabeth Bathory, “Midian” being based around Clive Barker’s work, and like I mentioned before, “Damnation” being based around the devil’s fall to earth.

Just like some of their previous work, many songs feature the voice of Doug Bradley of “Hellraiser” fame, having him narrate the story while playing Giles, who the music is based upon. Without having all of the lyrics to the CD yet, I can still say “Godspeed” has some amazing penmanship, which is where Filth has always shined. Few can match Dani's singing abilities either. Musically, it compares best to their last effort of “Thornography” with the (somewhat) recent addition of Rosie Smith’s keys easily noticeable. My personal favorites from the album are ‘The Death of Love,’ ‘The 13th Caesar,’ and ‘Darkness Incarnate,’ but then again, I rarely dislike too many of their songs.

So in summary, fuck most Cradle of Filth fans, except me, and if you’ve never given them a chance before, you could. But I doubt that if you’ve never heard them before that it’s you’re kind of music. I hear Oasis has a new album out finally. Just go listen to that instead. “I saw the silver lining hidden in a mushroom cloud.”

"Godspeed on the Devil's Thunder" comes out October 28th. To hold you over, here's a guy playing a piano solo version of 'Cruelty Brought Thee Orchids' from the "Cruelty and the Beast" album:

A version of past events.

Yesterday, North Korea was taken off of the 'terrorist blacklist' after the North agreed to a series of steps in disarming its nuclear capabilities. "North Korea's Foreign Ministry said it will again allow inspections by the United States and International Atomic Energy Agency at its Yongbyon nuclear complex to verify the disablement process, pledged under a disarmament-for-aid deal with Washington and four other regional powers."

But in the 70s and 80s, eight Japanese were kidnapped by North Korean agents. So, naturally, Japan considers "that the U.S. decision was 'extremely regrettable.' He (Japanese Finance Minister Nakagawa) said that 'abductions amount to terrorist acts.'"

That's funny, because in 1876, Japan forced Korea into foreign trade with the Treaty of Ganghwa. Then in 1895, the Japanese assassinated Korean Empress Myeongseong. By 1910, Korea was militarily occupied by Japan and forced to sign the Japan-Korea Annexation Treaty. In 1919, over 7,000 Korean demonstrators were killed by Japanese police and soldiers. Beginning in 1939, over five million Koreans were forced into labor, and tens of thousands of men were forced into Japanese military. Korean language was suppressed, as well as its culture and artifacts. In 1993, Japanese Chief Cabinet Secretary Kono even acknowledged and apologized for Japan taking female Koreans as "comfort women" during this time.

During World War II, when Japan occupied Korea, the United States fought through South Korea and pushed the Japanese soldiers (and Koreans that were forced to fight) all the way to the border of China. This was done by Macarthur against President Truman's orders. The Chinese, fearing an invasion by the US, helped the Koreans and pushed back the US to the center of Korea, thus the creation of North and South Korea. The US installed a puppet government in the South (a supposed 'democratic-republic') and Russia installed their own government in the North (communist). The Cold War came into effect in the 50s and 60s, and the decades that went by created more and more of a rift between the two Koreas. It all puts a whole new perspective on our view of North Korea, doesn't it? Or Japan? Or us? I love how each country has its own version of history.

Also, "in August, North Korea backed out of negotiations with Japan aimed at resolving the abductee issue. If the issue is resolved to Japan's satisfaction, the government has said it would give North Korea as much as $10 billion in reparations for colonial occupation between 1910 and 1945." So, unless the North resolves the issue of eight Japanese, the millions of Koreans that died will never be apologized for, apparently. What a beautiful world.

Paris gets some fake advice.

I'd still fake vote for her...for real. If you don't think it'd be any less ridiculous than the kind of people we vote for every four years, then you also probably don't realize that you're the problem today.

Fuck these condescending assholes.

Politicians get paid even when they lie. But technically, actors get paid to lie. Technically.

I generally don't like to base my opinions and beliefs on Hollywood or any of its resident estranged, pretentious whores.

If you want to vote, then vote. If you don't, then don't.

Stop letting movie stars and musicians dictate what to think.

Richmond looks like all Hell broke loose.

And I'm not talking about trees or power lines.

What the hell is wrong with you people? 50 mph winds, and you'd think we were one step shy of Armageddon. Crazy-ass drivers, fast food lines backed up to the road, and people stockpiling on gas.

I really am baffled as to how we're on the top of the food chain.

Silly monkeys.

It's time to vote.

In recent news, this “shocking” picture of Jessica Alba in bondage has surfaced from declareyourself.com:



“The new mum posed with her mouth strapped up in bondage-style tape for the campaign, which was shot by celebrity photographer Mark Liddel.”

But, “Jessica wasn’t the only celeb to take part in the shoot – Christina Aguilera also took the opportunity to make a visual statement, by being shot with her mouth seemingly stitched up.”


Even Andre 3000 and La Toya Jackson are pictured with a bowtie in mouth and a spike through both lips, respectively.

I think I know what message they're trying to convey here. I think this presents a truth I wasn’t ready to believe, that we, as a nation, are ready for. I believe now is the time to stand up and make your voice heard. Stand with me and vote to silence celebrities. Go to declareyourself.com and support the squelching of Hollywood.