I am a fucked-up-chick magnet.

I wonder what it is that makes me attractive or seemingly interesting to fucked-up chicks with mental issues, fucked-up tattoos by user ex-boyfriends, and fucking batshit insane families with just as many problems. I would like to think that maybe their families are unstable and unbalanced because of their fucked-up daughters, but I have a feeling that it's practically genetic and goes all the way back through the lineage. Seriously, why does every girl that finds me attractive seem to have a broken fucking home? Or demented, society-rejected best friends? Or two or three jealous, psycho ex-boyfriends? Or, hell, girlfriends for that matter?

I went to the gas station late last night, the same one I always go to. More for convenience's sake than anything else. There's a decent looking girl that works there, but definitely nothing special. Somewhat white trash, too, which is a love/hate thing for me, much in the same sense as Fricker's. But I had no idea. She occasionally flirts, and anyone who knows me knows that I show so much interest when people try striking up conversations. So, with that in mind, we all know how white trash love it when you ignore them.

But it never fails that she always wants to talk. The other week I overheard her bitching to the other clerk about her boyfriend dumping her. So I tried to avoid her line, but the guy closed his on my way up there. Shit. I got up to the counter and she just stared, with a couple of tears running down her cheek. Aww, your boyfriend left your clingy, whiny ass behind? How sad. Stop crying, take my fucking money, and let me take my half-gallon of Monster and get the fuck out of here already. Do you and me a favor, stop sobbing hysterically, buy a hatchet, and go kill your new ex.

Anyway, last night I went in, got a salad and a Sobe Lifewater, which is basically sugar and water. I get up to the counter and she says, "Hey, babe. You know you can get another packet of salad dressing for free?" "Oh, yay," with all of the enthusiam I could muster. Then I made my first mistake, when I asked how she was. "Not good..." Fuck, now I have to ask why. "My house got broken into last night, while I was asleep." Instead of asking if she was alright, I said, "Did they take anything?" "$150 out of my purse." "Wow, crazy. You should get a gun," I said somewhat jokingly. "I would if I could, but I'm not allowed to." Oh, fuck, I knew it. What kind of fucked-up chick am I talking to and didn't realize? "I got a felony that comes off in 2011. Still on house arrest, but I get a work release."

Why does this always happen to me? Apparently I'm a fucked-up-chick magnet. Just something else I'm good at, I suppose.

When I got off work today, I had a plan. I bought a 12-pack of Corona with every intention of drinking them all tonight. That's when it hit me. I know what they see in me: their drunken step-dads right before they beat them. They just can't get enough.

10 reasons to just shut the fuck up.

Fucking. Seriously. I am so damn sick of hearing people bitch. Whether it's about boyfriends, girlfriends, shitty friends, the government, the economy, foreign policy, the war, your job, your boss, your bills, taxes, speeding tickets, parking tickets, seatbelt tickets, poverty, the rich, school, the neighbors, the neighbors' dog that shits in your yard and barks at night, chores, gas prices, inflation, ignorance, intelligence, abortion, welfare, unemployment, your husband's goat-play fetish, the ruffie you were slipped last week which subsequent in DP and gang-rape by your male co-workers, or the fact that you're homeless after losing your job and your wife on the same day which just so happened to be your birthday and now you expect the whole world to change just to suit your selfish, little, hopeless aspirations that no longer matter to anyone but your lonesome, pitiful self. Have I left anything out? Of course I have. Here's ten more reasons you need to just shut the fuck up, and yes, I see the irony in all of this. Which brings me to number one.

1. Pointing out the obvious to someone who is intentionally saying the shit that they're saying to make an ironic point. Did that go over your head? Big fucking surprise. That could only mean one thing: number two.

2. Either you sell shoes at Footlocker, stock shelves at Kroger, seat obese white trash at Applebee's, or run the cash register at Dillard's. Now, while all of these are prime examples of being very important, completely essential cogs in the big machine, none of it qualifies you to open your mouth about anything of any relevance to...well, fucking anything. You are not capable of calculating simple math equations without the use of a solar-powered, $2 piece of shit machinery from Big Lots. So what the fuck makes you think you understand anything at all about the economy, inflation, or even the total of your five pounder happy meal from McDonald's, you fat, stupid fuck? McDonald's, point three.

3. Why don't the seventeen-year-olds working the drive-thru say "thank you" or "have a nice day" anymore? What happened to service? What happened to respect for customers? Why don't you cry yourself to sleep, eternal sleep, after taking a bottle of downers and slitting your wrists vertically? Those selfish, apathetic kids serving your fat-fucking-ass three double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a gallon of Diet Coke don't give a fuck because minimum wage doesn't pay them to give a fuck, because their boss doesn't give a fuck, because you don't give a fuck, and because capitalist America doesn't give a fuck. So stop pretending to give a fuck, because at the end of the day, you didn't pay $5 so someone would tell you "thank you." You paid just over the cost of one gallon of gas for a whole meal, which your greasy, sausage fingers are shoveling into your big, happy mouth. Right? Number four.

4. Obesity. Stop bitching about the heat. You're fat. It's your fault. The summer is hot. The winter is not. Get used to it or move. Five.

5. Stop whining and moaning and crying and shouting about shit you did wrong. This one is much more literal and lax. Sometimes it may appear more clear, like if you wake up in a puddle of vomit and piss after a hard night of drinking, that's your fault. No issue there. No one else to blame. Not even the ruffie-slipping male co-workers. But I'm even talking about parents who bitch about their kids. You raised them. It's your fault. I don't care if they killed grandma for the inheritance. You should have beat them more. Fuck you and your spoiled, bastard kids. Fuck you Six ways to Sunday.

6. Rednecks and white trash bitch more than anyone else in America. You're poor. I know already. Guess what, motherfuckers? No one cares. Stop fucking for tax breaks, get off of welfare, and get a motherfucking job. White trash need rounded up and put into cages. Kind of like a zoo, but you wouldn't ever pay admission, and you wouldn't ever go in. And employees wouldn't feed them. And by "white trash," I mean everyone. For instance, people who pay by check and don't have it filled out by the time they reach the register, people who buy lottery tickets and scratch them off at the counter while there's a fucking line behind them, people who spend their last five on cigarettes instead of food, people who bitch about gas prices to gas station attendants, people who spend all of their money on weed and can't figure out why they can't afford their child support, people who think KFC is the shit, people who think Fazoli's is "real Italian," and people who wear fucking crocs, just to name a few. Seven.

7. Socialism. You don't understand it. You never will. Publicized health care? Don't even try to wrap your right-winged, Rush Limbaugh-brainwashed, Bill O'Reilly-loving mind around it. You're still stuck in the 1950's, blacklisting all of the pinko commies trying to do whatever it is that evil commies do, and you're so scared of "red" (ironic) working men. You wouldn't want free health care for your children? For your grandchildren? Fuck you and your selfish, small fucking brain. Unions? The United States Postal Service? American public education? Yeah, we're definitely not socialistic. This goes for anarchy as well. Eight.

8. You're right-wing? Fuck you. You're left-wing? Fuck you. You're green party? Fuck you. Fuck every last one of you ignorant, puppet tools. Please shut the fuck up. And nine.

9. Violence and sex. What the fuck is the deal? We fuck to survive. I'm not sure if anyone's picked up on that yet. I know, it's all a bit complicated, but I assure you, it's true. One man and one woman fuck, have a child, and the the cycle repeats. I think they even teach this complicated subject in junior high health class, basically just to make sure that fucking morons like us grasp the idea of repopulating. Adam and Eve weren't ashamed of being naked. They just grew older and became conservative republicans. Seeing a naked body on a movie screen is not going to scar you for life. Not knowing shit about sex until you're eighteen will. Stop fucking up your children. And violence? Jesus fucking Christ. This nation was founded on bloodshed. Read up on some history, grow some fucking balls, and shut the fuck up. Finally ten.

10. You're middle class. Not lower class. Stop bitching and just shut the fuck up. Remember the Great Depression? No, you don't. Shut the fuck up.

There you go. Ten reasons laced in thick fucking irony. I hope I singled out everyone in some way. So shut the fuck up already. Shut. The. Fuck. Up.

*Oh, and a side note to the four thick-headed fucks I saw eating at Wings and Rings tonight: if you plan to order, take the menus when the waitress offers, and don't make her read through the menu herself to your inbred, white trash, shit-eating faces five seconds after she asks. You don't need to eat. You need to kill yourselves.

English major.

Dark Eyes, cigars, and talking about everything from utopia to NASA to rap. That's what it's all about. And in other news, I'm going to get an English Major and become a "poetry-repairman."

Motherfucker.

Christianity and the founding fathers.

There's something I've heard quite often, since high school actually, from teachers (one in particular), friends, family, co-workers, politicians, and all of them have one thing in common: they're religious. But what is it that they keep repeating, with absolutely no basis in fact, quite the opposite actually?

"This country was founded on Christian values." There are many variations to the exact words they use, but the meaning is the same. Even those that claim, "This country was founded on the freedom of religion," who would actually call their children morons if they became Wiccan (though they would be) or tell them they're disappointed when they find that their children are atheist. What they really mean to say is that you're free to be Christian.

But how did we come to believe that the founding fathers ever cared enough about Christianity to leave England and start their own colonies? Well, I'm not sure, but one thing I'm sure about is that I can prove to you that you're full of shit. Here goes.

The men responsible for building the foundation of the United States had little use for Christianity, and many were strongly opposed to it. Hell, the Declaration of Independence should be proof enough, considering the power of governments up to that point had been based on divine right, dictated by God. Thomas Jefferson slapped God in the face with that one. Or how about the fact that the words "Jesus Christ, Christianity, Bible, and God" are never once mentioned anywhere in the Constitution?

Everyone's familiar with Jefferson's "All men are created equal. They are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights." That's seems odd coming from a man who also once said, "I do not find in orthodox Christianity one redeeming feature." Jefferson was condemning the practice of slavery in the colonies when he actually wrote, "All men are created equal and independent. From that equal creation they derive rights inherent and inalienable," before Congress changed it to increase its religious overtones.

Best of all, consider this: if indeed the members of the First Continental Congress were all Bible-believing, God-fearing men, would there ever have been a revolution at all?

"For rebellion as is the sin of witchcraft." 1 Samuel, 15:23

Though not a founding father, he is widely received as the second greatest American president, Abraham Lincoln may have well been the most against Christianity. Lincoln's first law partner, John T. Stuart, said of him: "He was an avowed and open infidel, and sometimes bordered on atheism. He went further against Christian beliefs and doctrines and principles than any man I have ever heard." Lincoln himself once said, "The Bible is not my book, nor Christianity my profession."

So, the next time you feel like changing history, try telling the truth instead. This country was founded on freedom, not religion. This isn't an attack on the religious, just the ignorant, and their content to be. I'll leave you with quotes on religion and Christianity from some of the "Christian" founding fathers:

"Lighthouses are more helpful than churches." -Benjamin Franklin

"In the affairs of the world, men are saved, not by faith, but by the lack of it." -Benjamin Franklin

"The purpose of separation of church and state is to keep forever from these shores the ceaseless strife that has soaked the soil of Europe in blood for centuries." -James Madison, 1803 letter objecting use of gov. land for churches

"Religious bondage shackles and debilitates the mind and unfits it for every noble enterprise." -James Madison, letter to Wm. Bradford, April 1, 1774

"As I understand the Christian religion, it was, and is, a revelation. But how has it happened that millions of fables, tales, legends, have been blended with both Jewish and Christian revelation that have made them the most bloody religion that ever existed?" -John Adams, letter to F.A. Van der Kamp, Dec. 27, 1816

"This would be the best of all possible worlds, if there were no religion in it." -John Adams

"Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel and torturous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness, with which more than half of the Bible is filled, it would be more consistent that we call it the word of a demon than the word of God. It is a history of wickedness that has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind." -Thomas Paine

"The study of theology, as it stands in the Christian churches, is the study of nothing; it is founded on nothing; it rests on no principles; it proceeds by no authority; it has no data; it can demonstrate nothing; and it admits of no conclusion." -Thomas Paine

"If it's too loud, you're too old."

So, music has no soul these days? I'm assuming this is based on the radio, MTV, music videos, and the top 40, right? Your "golden years" view is simply an embargo on a little time to actually research something, anything outside of the mainstream. You're only partial to your own age, whether it be the 60's, 70's, or 80's. You think our music all sounds the same and has no talent or lyrical power? Their inspiration resonates from your age, just as yours did from the years before.

So, go ahead, bash our music. But I do have one question for you. We all listen to classic rock and oldies from the past, but why is it that we never hear you listening to music from your own parents' childhood?

Damnit all to fuck.

I can't find a working torrent of Repo! anywhere. Fucking movie's only playing in six theaters too. Gonna be waiting a fucking while it seems. Anyway, here's a nice little vid of the badass Paris Hilton. Tell me she's not hot. Seriously.

I need new friends, part 2.

Make that four openings. Just John and Brooke left now.

Actually, my phone didn't get shut off. I just changed the number and didn't tell any of you.

Assholes.

I need new friends.

There are currently three openings. The original three assholes have been ousted.

Pay: Offer of free dinner for two of the three friends (same as before).

Requirements: Don't all go out to eat and lie about where you were, when I got back with my food to find no one, after I tried to convince all three of you to eat with me for over an hour.

For further assistance, a good example of what is expected: Brooke, since she stopped by and we went to McDonald's.

Nothing to it really. Send me a resumé.

"You choked off the surest of favors."

Sometimes I say I might, which means maybe, which means perhaps, which means possibly, and I mean it. Not yes. Not no. Maybe.

Sometimes I say things, even first, and people pretend they didn't hear it.

Sometimes mistakes are made. Socrates drank himself to death.

Sometimes people get so caught up in their crusade that they eventually forget how many people are actually on their side, and might have even started the battle long before they joined. Sometimes people get so lost in what they're fighting for that they keep fighting even after the matter is resolved, and refuse to acknowledge it.

Sometimes people forget what balance is and that the excess of one extreme is unnatural and unhealthy, not to mention unbecoming.

Sometimes sacrifice outweighs selfishness. That's called character.

Sometimes people expect of others. Don't take what you're already getting for granted.

Sometimes I almost drown in the irony.

Sometimes I drink, smoke, listen to pop and folk, feel like going out instead of staying home, feel like partying at home instead of going to bars, love unconditionally, defend good people no one else does, get pissed when friends backstab, put down friends behind their backs, and come to me about problems they have with friends instead of going to them. Sometimes I don't plan for my future, care about public education, or even care about amounting to shit. Everyone around me has known this for as long as they have been friends with me. Why associate with me if any of it bothers you so much? Why associate with other people that you don't approve of? Don't expect others to change for you. You wouldn't do it for them.

This group will continue to dissolve because everyone is guilty. Compromise. Compassion. Loyalty. Forgiveness. Acceptance, if not the love, of faults. Scratch them off the list if you believe you have all of these when you're with friends. But you'll be lying. "Time destroys everything." Even convictions.

We all have high school diplomas now. I think we can all agree we're past that stage in our lives. Fuck these pissing contests. It's fucking tired.

The will to act.

After seeing ‘The Dark Knight’ last night, I had a little discussion and exchange of ideas with Lisa about vigilantism and why, more often than not, people do not do the right thing, or do what needs to be done. She asked me why society does not stand up for itself. I thought about it for a moment and said ‘fear’ was the reason. After thinking about it further today, I realized I needed to reevaluate some things I believed.

I used to believe that if pushed hard enough, every man would have his breaking point, and that every act a person took had a catalyst, a motive that would set him in motion to fix what he had been wronged by. I do not think so anymore. It is just easier to accept than it is to change. Fear is much more powerful of a force than hope. People become too afraid and hope someone else has the courage, the determination, or the will to act.

For years I have revered one of the opening lines to ‘The Boondock Saints’ in which the priest says: “Now, we must all fear evil men, but there is another kind of evil which we must fear most of all, and that is the indifference of good men.” But this no longer makes sense to me. Good men have no indifference. Good men do not just believe in good, and thereby become good themselves. Good men do not accept; they change. They do not fear reprisal or condemnation. Inaction is an evil in itself. So, most men are not good.

We all want to prevent tragedy and sorrow, and to stop war, murder, rape, theft, poverty, disease, political corruption, drug trafficking, animal cruelty, eco-terrorism, and inflation, yet no one stands for it. Believing is not a battle with a resolution, and fear gets the best of everyone. That is, if there is a best of us at all. Words have never changed the world, but actions have.

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke (1729-1797)

We want revolution. We want a change in the tide, and those responsible to be held accountable. Ignoring our own guilt, we hope that this dream will come soon. But I believe the more likely outcome will be that we will turn on each other first. Instead of standing up and taking responsibility, we will lose our morals and ardentness. Instead of demanding restitution and restoration, we will rob and steal from ourselves, and even while we do this, in our desperation and rage we will still blame everyone but ourselves. No one is going to save us. I hope I am wrong, but fear has the best of me.

“When the chips are down, this city will eat itself.” –The Joker

"Hell is other people."

Stop using religion as a crutch. In fact, stop talking about it completely. At least around me. You're not going to convert me. You've failed. Give up. Heaven does not have lakes full of crystals, or whatever the fuck you said. There's no ivory/pearl gates and no streets of gold. If heaven does exist, it's not a physical place, you fucking dipshit. And hell doesn't have the heat way up all of the time. Satan does not pay gas bills. The next time some hypocritical, holier-than-thou-art bullshit spews from your mouth, I'm going to shove it back down your throat with my fist. Drinking, cussing, and enjoying violent movies are not sins. But using God's name in vain, wanting to cheat on your fiancé, and lying all are. And not having remorse for those ensures you have a seat in hell, motherfucker. You are not hot shit. You are not an actor. You do not have friends. You will not amount to anything. You are fucking retarded.

Stop using everyone around you. You want to make yourself happy and get on your feet? Do it yourself. Better yet, stop saying you're going to do something and just fucking do it. Enjoy the moment, and stop the excessive bitching. You had a rough day? Boohoo. I don't give a fuck. I'm tired of pretending to. The truth is you're talking to a wall. You don't want/need my advice. And I don't want to hear your story. So go find a tree to talk to. Isn't it about time for you to grow up? You say you're confused, unsure, and trying to find your way. But actually you're just lazy and let others do the work for you. Stop fucking people over.

Stop pushing people around you away. Alienating your family and wondering why they no longer come around is a little puzzle you've made that doesn't have any pieces. You're fucked in the head. Everyone sees it. Stop blaming medicine, stress, and money. You still have your memory. You just play it off like you don't, and choose to remember what you want. You are not Sammy Jankis. You are not Mother Teresa. You're just slipping into senility. By choice.

Just stop. Stop all of it. I am not like you motherfuckers. I never will be. Just leave it alone. I am not your knight in shining armor. I am not your savior or your golden child. I don't care if you're proud or disappointed. I don't care about how your day went, the bills you need to pay, your (bullshit) plans for the future, how you feel about love this week, which ugly bitch you'd fuck if you weren't getting married, or what God would think about all of this. I don't give a fuck. I don't say much when you talk to me, not because I'm listening, but because I'm trying to figure out a way to murder you and get away with it. So stop talking and fuck off. All three of you are full of shit and I see right through it.


"Hell is other people." -Jean-Paul Sartre (No Exit)

Fuck hard liquor.

I'm done with it. All of it. No more fucking hard liquor for me. This morning about an hour before work I crawled into the bathroom and threw up half a fifth of vodka and Bloody Mary mix, and a few beers. To help paint this beautiful picture much more eloquently for you, some even came out of my fucking nose. I couldn't even tell if some of it was blood or not. So then I cleaned myself up, took a shower, took eight aspirin, and went to work like a fucking soldier.

After holding the rest down and putting up with the bright fluorescent lights and that motherfucker's annoying motherfucking stories and bullshit, I came to the conclusion that I seriously need to fucking stop. No more waking up and forgetting where my truck is. No more throwing up or hangovers. No more drunk dials. No more cleaning up my puke or being carried out of bars. No more fucking road signs. No more Everclear, Jaeger, vodka, scotch, whiskey, absinthe, tequila, and yes, no more rum or 151. I'm out. I'm done. Fuck hard liquor.

But I'm still down for a round of beers. There's no way I'd stop that shit a week before St. Patty's. I'm taking shit easy now. So be prepared.

Fuck my truck.

So, today, two days after paying a tow bill and for a new tire, which would best be described as blown-the-fuck-open, not flat, I came out to find my back passenger tire locked up from the emergency break. Nothing fucking new. I usually just gunned it and it would kick off, no problems. Not today. Today, instead, I gave it hell and nothing was working, except completely burning my fucking clutch. That worked.

Now I'm paying another tow bill, and over a grand apparently, for the clutch and the new break line. Seems a bit fucking steep to me. Then again, it wouldn't truly be my vehicle until I paid more in repairs in less than two years than what I paid to begin with. It's getting very close to being as great of a vehicle as all of the rest of pieces of shit I've had.

I came up with the idea this morning that I should drive it into a quarry. Then I realized that would be impossible since I can't shift fucking gears. But if I had it towed to the quarry, I could just push the damn thing off. Then I realized that the back wheel was locked up and I couldn't even do that. So my new idea is to set up a stack of bricks and spend all day throwing them at my fucking sorry excuse for a truck. Fuck my truck.

On a side note, some of you fucking assholes are more than welcome to sit in the cab/bed while I throw the bricks. Just a thought. Kill two birds with one stone...

Fuck this blog.

I've come to realize that all of the trivial things in life really aren't. Nothing is trivial. It all really just adds up to stereotypes and genres that everyone fits into. No one escapes a label. It's sad, but fucking true. If you think you don't, just ask someone who doesn't care what you think. I've come to find that I'm everything I've ever hated. I live in black and white. In extremes. The only line that's truly blurry is the one between pessimism and wisdom. And even that starts to clear after half a bottle of Dark Eyes.

I'm so fucking naïve. I believe in fake honesty. It's my Achilles' heel. And whether people realize it or not, they definitely take it for granted and use it to their own advantage. What the fuck compels people to walk all over me, as if they think they have something to gain by it? A fucking enemy, that's what. Truth be told, I'm full of shit. I give everyone a hard time about their beliefs, test them, and make them question themselves. But when it all comes down to it, some of the few things I believe in, I don't even have. I'm not sure how I could believe in something that I don't have, but I think they call that "blind faith." Meaning I'm a hypocrite.

I'm tired of spending my money on unneeded shit, like $3.00 a gallon for gas and going on long drives just thinking, drinking, and doing absolutely nothing. Like $4.00 beers at bars that I'm fucking sick of. Like the 12-16 cigars I fucking smoke everyday. I pretend I'm not addicted to these things, but I know I fucking am. I'm tired of putting up with people's shit, like listening to stories about how they love to brag about themselves. Like how people enjoy telling me what to do with my life. Like how people pretend to understand "the answers" to the shit I go through when they're worse than I am. I'm tired of shit resurfacing that I thought I was through with. I'm tired of shit haunting me. It's fucking killing me.

I'm tired of my parents pretending to be something they're not, like happy. Like when they act like they're decent role models and try to make me feel ashamed for being young. Like when they think they're responsible without a job, more debt than I can imagine, and don't feel guilty for alienating their own fucking family. I'm tired of their shit.

I'm sick of watching promises get broken. I'm sick of the daily fucking grind and it all amounting to jack shit. I'm sick of drama. It's getting so old so quick. I feel like I never even graduated high school and it's what I get up and go to everyday, like I never even fucking left. I'm sick of these same assholes telling me to grow the fuck up. I'm sick of feeling like my mind is that of an eighty-year-old grouchy asshole who's fed up with life and the bullshit it has to offer. I'm sick of pathetic people telling me I need to do something with my life. But trust me, not being like them is motive enough. If I really need to better myself, the best way would be to distance myself from them.

I'm sick of not having the balls to tell people to just fuck off. Or when I just stand there and listen to their bullshit and I don't kick them in the fucking groin. If I just sit there and listen, they start to think I care what they're saying, instead of a hook to the face, which would really tell them what I'm thinking. Maybe I should stop procrastinating and start fucking some people up. Maybe I should start making an effort.

Sometimes I just want to wash the world in gasoline and flick my cigar from a safe distance to watch it spread, and burn completely. Sometimes.

Well, I'm done getting hammered and being emo for the night, so eat shit.

What I believe in.

For those who are confused or just never know what the fuck I believe in:

1. Family - My brother and sister have always been there for me. When my parents didn't, I helped raise them. I helped teach them to read, long before I ever did. And even though I never had the twin I was supposed to have, two and a half years later I think I did. My cousin (my other brother) has always been there for me too. His home was our second.

2. Friends - Some old ones and some new ones. Some of the things they've done for me have been more than I ever would have asked for. I consider them family and I'd do the same for them without hesitation. Family and friends probably shouldn't even be two seperate things.

3. Happiness - The kind that you feel deep inside, not fleeting glimpses of temporary joy. I've felt it before. I know it exists. It's simply a choice, which is completely up to me alone. All I have to do is decide.

4. Love - It's not simply given. It has to be earned. All that's really needed is effort. If I have the first three things, then this one comes with time. I've felt enough hate to know love is real. And I've felt this too. Need a deeper meaning to life? Logic is overrated. To feel is why we're really here.

5. Myself - I've never doubted myself. I've never had problems with believing in myself, which I can say with complete honesty. But I've come to realize that I put others above myself in most situations, and it tends to get taken for granted. So I'm taking a different approach. I call it the 'fuck you' method. I think it's going to work out. At the same time, for those who appreciate me, and I know which ones, I won't change. Why let a few selfish cunts fuck it up for everyone else?

I don't believe in much. Life is subjective. But if you find something to believe in, and you understand it completely, then stand true in your convictions. Uncertainty is worse than being wrong.

Bad whiskey & bad weather.

I normally like winter and never bitch about the cold. But this shit has got to end. I'm sick of it already. Half-assed snow and stupid fucking people that can't drive. If it's gonna snow, it should be enough for me to enjoy it, ie. can't go to work because I have to dig 6ft down to find my truck. And how in the fuck can you people not drive in 1-2 inches of snow? You live in motherfucking Indiana. You should be used to it by now. Jesus.

So you dumbfucks and Mother Nature got me drinking shitty whiskey to stay warm and calm the fuck down. The next dickhead that pulls out in front of me on 35 when I'm doing 55 is gonna have to think up another New Year's resolution. Cheers, fuckheads.

Sweet home Indiana.

I just realized something new today. Indiana really, completely, truly fucking sucks. Oh, wait. That's not new. That's not new at all. My apologies.

On second though: Fuck Indiana. If it was on the edge of the map, we'd all jump off and kick it away out to sea. There's so much corn in this state that it makes my comparing it to a turd with chunks of corn way too fucking easy.