Can't place it, but it sounds so familiar.

"Gamers beware: Keeping too tight a grip on the console and furiously pushing the buttons can cause a newly identified skin disorder marked by painful lumps on the palms, Swiss scientists said on Tuesday.

Called 'PlayStation palmar hidradentitis' by the scientists, the skin disorder can cause painful lesions on the palms similar to patches found on the soles of children's feet after taking part in heavy physical activity, they said."

Yeah, they're called fucking calluses. Is America really so spoiled and lazy that we've forgotten what they are, and have actually come up with new names for them? I don't know a lot of Latin, but I can read that. It basically translates to 'Playstation hard palm' which sounds like a new badass account name...

I hate you stupid people.

Simple life.

I miss playing Shingen the Ruler. And Klax. And Conquest of the Crystal Palace. I miss spending countless hours in front of the shitty-ass TV Kevin and I had in our room, (not) watching the hours pass by while we kicked the shit out of Lich and Kary in Final Fantasy, showed Bald Bull who's boss in Punchout!, and ran our asses off on the GamePad, hopping hurdles in Track & Field II.


I miss playing Super C, and Super Mario Brothers, and Tecmo Super Bowl with my father, brother, cousins, and friends, and letting those pixels teach me all about life. I miss Defender II, Lifeforce, Mega Man 2, Metroid, Dr. Mario, and Tetris. I miss smashing my controllers and shouting about how my games cheat. So what the hell happened? I miss my 8-bit life.


Fuck.

Why I'm so damn smart.

I learned to drive from Need for Speed III, I learned about politics from Final Fantasy Tactics, military imperialism from Shingen the Ruler, the medical industry from Dr. Mario, business from Lemonade Stand, teamwork from Rainbow Six, how to survive from Resident Evil, and how simple life really can be from The Sims.

Mortal Kombat and Tekken 3 taught me how to fight, Doom and Halo taught me how to shoot, Morrowind taught me reading is fun (and helpful), Uplink taught me patience, and Jet Moto 2 taught me speed. Final Fantasy VII taught me sacrifice, Track & Field II taught me exercise, Total War taught me problem solving, Tomb Raider taught me feminism, Parasite Eve taught me biology, Dead or Alive: Beach Volleyball taught me anatomy (haha), and World of Warcraft taught me about addiction.

You claim to have so many better memories than me, saying I spent too much time inside playing video games while you were outside. I think it's the opposite. I was testing my reflexes, hand-eye coordination, and problem solving and reading capabilities. You were playing tag. After its release, I played Final Fantasy VIII fifteen hours straight Levi Coffin weekend. I played World of Warcraft thirty-six hours straight, with Kevin and then Tyler joining in, resulting in me calling into work and Kevin quitting his job.

I remember using spread guns in Super C, solving puzzles in D, killer cows in Diablo 2, building race tracks in Excitebike, saving people from aliens in Defender 2, writing history in Call of Duty, rewriting history in God of War, and helping the Aztecs dominate rival countries in Rise of Nations. You remember staring at clouds and chasing butterflies.

The day kids stop playing video games and go outside is a day to pray for our survival as the dominant creature in the food chain. I learned new words, mathematics, history, science, culture, politics, religion, psychology, and economics through video games, and I had a blast doing it.

Baseball is still baseball. Riding a bike feels the same as it did ten years ago. The sun never changes. The grass is always green and the snow is always white. All four seasons come and go the same time of year every year. But new video games are released every Tuesday. I win.

These lazy bastards we call kids.

This is from PeoplePC news: Jesse Lackman says his son spends a dozen hours a week waging medieval combat across the dreary dreamscapes of computer games. Just don't expect to find Lackman sitting beside him battling ogres and dragons. “It's just such a waste of time," said Lackman, 47, a power plant operator from Center, N.D. "I tell him, 'Do something that has some lasting value.'"

I couldn’t have said it better. Well, unless I tried to. But Mr. Lackman has a point. His son could be doing so many other, more productive things, such as: watching television, reading the shitty local newspaper, avoid spending time with his family by working 60+ hours a week at a power plant, or even complain to interviewers about how pathetic kids are today. Lead by example, I guess. But Mr. Lackman’s son can’t be the only kid in America to play numerous hours of video games:

"I don't think it's good for them, the violence, the obsession," said Karen Kimball, 55, of Hale, Minn., another nonplayer who estimates her 17-year-old son plays 25 hours weekly. "No longer is it, 'Let's go out and throw a football.'"

That’s a very good point. Stop playing violent video games, and play a relaxing sport like football. Kids are just so fucked up today. They don’t respect their elders or authority, they don’t care about politics or religion, they don’t plan for their future or understand the concept of money, and they’re too lazy to leave the house. Wait a minute? Was I talking about kids or adults? Damn…

I guess it’s my turn to bitch. Know what I’m tired of? I’m tired of post-baby boomer, free love hippies who rebelled more than any fucking generation in history, who’ve never fought in any wars, who did more drugs than mankind as a whole, caused the divorce rate in this country to triple within the last thirty years, started a gluttony epidemic with obesity, and without having ever attained a college degree, proceed to lecture children on their mistakes and being apathetic and spoiled while they smoke the cigarettes they’ve tried to quit more times than years they’ve been alive as they sit in the middle of their sixth straight hour of watching shitty sitcoms and fake ass reality shows.

But maybe I’m being too harsh. I’m forgetting that most of these parental critics spend their spare time as actors on Broadway, volunteering aid in Africa, assisting local political campaigns, and fostering multiple children at a time. I hope you shallow fucks all burn in your irony and self-admiration.

Update (11/13/07):

Here's an article from a mother promoting video games. Doesn't happen too often: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/danielle-crittenden/why-your-kids-should-play_b_32365.html

She says the more her son plays "Call of Duty," the more he wants to learn about WWII. So now you all know how I got to be so fucking brilliant.