Fuck my truck.

So, today, two days after paying a tow bill and for a new tire, which would best be described as blown-the-fuck-open, not flat, I came out to find my back passenger tire locked up from the emergency break. Nothing fucking new. I usually just gunned it and it would kick off, no problems. Not today. Today, instead, I gave it hell and nothing was working, except completely burning my fucking clutch. That worked.

Now I'm paying another tow bill, and over a grand apparently, for the clutch and the new break line. Seems a bit fucking steep to me. Then again, it wouldn't truly be my vehicle until I paid more in repairs in less than two years than what I paid to begin with. It's getting very close to being as great of a vehicle as all of the rest of pieces of shit I've had.

I came up with the idea this morning that I should drive it into a quarry. Then I realized that would be impossible since I can't shift fucking gears. But if I had it towed to the quarry, I could just push the damn thing off. Then I realized that the back wheel was locked up and I couldn't even do that. So my new idea is to set up a stack of bricks and spend all day throwing them at my fucking sorry excuse for a truck. Fuck my truck.

On a side note, some of you fucking assholes are more than welcome to sit in the cab/bed while I throw the bricks. Just a thought. Kill two birds with one stone...

Fuck this blog.

I've come to realize that all of the trivial things in life really aren't. Nothing is trivial. It all really just adds up to stereotypes and genres that everyone fits into. No one escapes a label. It's sad, but fucking true. If you think you don't, just ask someone who doesn't care what you think. I've come to find that I'm everything I've ever hated. I live in black and white. In extremes. The only line that's truly blurry is the one between pessimism and wisdom. And even that starts to clear after half a bottle of Dark Eyes.

I'm so fucking naïve. I believe in fake honesty. It's my Achilles' heel. And whether people realize it or not, they definitely take it for granted and use it to their own advantage. What the fuck compels people to walk all over me, as if they think they have something to gain by it? A fucking enemy, that's what. Truth be told, I'm full of shit. I give everyone a hard time about their beliefs, test them, and make them question themselves. But when it all comes down to it, some of the few things I believe in, I don't even have. I'm not sure how I could believe in something that I don't have, but I think they call that "blind faith." Meaning I'm a hypocrite.

I'm tired of spending my money on unneeded shit, like $3.00 a gallon for gas and going on long drives just thinking, drinking, and doing absolutely nothing. Like $4.00 beers at bars that I'm fucking sick of. Like the 12-16 cigars I fucking smoke everyday. I pretend I'm not addicted to these things, but I know I fucking am. I'm tired of putting up with people's shit, like listening to stories about how they love to brag about themselves. Like how people enjoy telling me what to do with my life. Like how people pretend to understand "the answers" to the shit I go through when they're worse than I am. I'm tired of shit resurfacing that I thought I was through with. I'm tired of shit haunting me. It's fucking killing me.

I'm tired of my parents pretending to be something they're not, like happy. Like when they act like they're decent role models and try to make me feel ashamed for being young. Like when they think they're responsible without a job, more debt than I can imagine, and don't feel guilty for alienating their own fucking family. I'm tired of their shit.

I'm sick of watching promises get broken. I'm sick of the daily fucking grind and it all amounting to jack shit. I'm sick of drama. It's getting so old so quick. I feel like I never even graduated high school and it's what I get up and go to everyday, like I never even fucking left. I'm sick of these same assholes telling me to grow the fuck up. I'm sick of feeling like my mind is that of an eighty-year-old grouchy asshole who's fed up with life and the bullshit it has to offer. I'm sick of pathetic people telling me I need to do something with my life. But trust me, not being like them is motive enough. If I really need to better myself, the best way would be to distance myself from them.

I'm sick of not having the balls to tell people to just fuck off. Or when I just stand there and listen to their bullshit and I don't kick them in the fucking groin. If I just sit there and listen, they start to think I care what they're saying, instead of a hook to the face, which would really tell them what I'm thinking. Maybe I should stop procrastinating and start fucking some people up. Maybe I should start making an effort.

Sometimes I just want to wash the world in gasoline and flick my cigar from a safe distance to watch it spread, and burn completely. Sometimes.

Well, I'm done getting hammered and being emo for the night, so eat shit.

What I believe in.

For those who are confused or just never know what the fuck I believe in:

1. Family - My brother and sister have always been there for me. When my parents didn't, I helped raise them. I helped teach them to read, long before I ever did. And even though I never had the twin I was supposed to have, two and a half years later I think I did. My cousin (my other brother) has always been there for me too. His home was our second.

2. Friends - Some old ones and some new ones. Some of the things they've done for me have been more than I ever would have asked for. I consider them family and I'd do the same for them without hesitation. Family and friends probably shouldn't even be two seperate things.

3. Happiness - The kind that you feel deep inside, not fleeting glimpses of temporary joy. I've felt it before. I know it exists. It's simply a choice, which is completely up to me alone. All I have to do is decide.

4. Love - It's not simply given. It has to be earned. All that's really needed is effort. If I have the first three things, then this one comes with time. I've felt enough hate to know love is real. And I've felt this too. Need a deeper meaning to life? Logic is overrated. To feel is why we're really here.

5. Myself - I've never doubted myself. I've never had problems with believing in myself, which I can say with complete honesty. But I've come to realize that I put others above myself in most situations, and it tends to get taken for granted. So I'm taking a different approach. I call it the 'fuck you' method. I think it's going to work out. At the same time, for those who appreciate me, and I know which ones, I won't change. Why let a few selfish cunts fuck it up for everyone else?

I don't believe in much. Life is subjective. But if you find something to believe in, and you understand it completely, then stand true in your convictions. Uncertainty is worse than being wrong.

Beef for dinner, everyday.

For those not in-the-know, it was recently announced that the FDA “has ruled that it’s safe for meat and dairy manufacturers to use such (cloned) animals as sources for food products. Consumers are wary of the idea of cloned food. But advocacy groups opposed to the use of cloned-source food haven’t come up with a strong reason to stop it. To make sure there isn’t one, any company using cloned animals should label clearly—and monitor what happens as its products go out into the world. Responsible drug companies, toy companies, all sorts of manufacturers do this.”

I don’t know. Comparing a package of cloned hamburger to a Spongebob action figure probably isn’t the best fucking example. Does anyone else think this is one of the most bizarre ideas American fuckheads have come up with in a long time? Sure, this steak is the same as that one, but that doesn’t mean it’s not completely weird. But does that mean we’ll have one fatass cow living in a laboratory that we can just clone over and over? And does that mean we’ll have a shitload more meat to go around, leading to $2.00 t-bones? Fucking doubt it.

“There’s no evidence that cloned food should be prohibited. After all, humans have been eating genetically altered organisms for 10,000 years plus. Wheat, for example, was once a wild grass, cloned and cultivated over hundreds of human generations. Livestock breeding is just low-tech genetic modification. Cows are designer meat and milk factories.”

Good point. We’ve cloned plants, now we’re cloning animals. What else should we be cloning? Can’t have children? Here, we’ll clone mine. Dog got hit by a car? Bring him back. This is so fucking stupid. So, theoretically, if I was a cannibal, could I clone myself and then eat me? Gives new meaning to ‘go fuck yourself.’ I’m personally against cloning because I don’t think we need to be cloning any Americans, since most have shit for brains. Then again, I guess Tyler will never run out of milk again.


"There are more fools in the world than there are people." -Heinrich Heine

Bad whiskey & bad weather.

I normally like winter and never bitch about the cold. But this shit has got to end. I'm sick of it already. Half-assed snow and stupid fucking people that can't drive. If it's gonna snow, it should be enough for me to enjoy it, ie. can't go to work because I have to dig 6ft down to find my truck. And how in the fuck can you people not drive in 1-2 inches of snow? You live in motherfucking Indiana. You should be used to it by now. Jesus.

So you dumbfucks and Mother Nature got me drinking shitty whiskey to stay warm and calm the fuck down. The next dickhead that pulls out in front of me on 35 when I'm doing 55 is gonna have to think up another New Year's resolution. Cheers, fuckheads.

Merry Christmas, fuckers.

Just wishing a bit of half-assed holiday cheer. I hope you all get lots of nice, badass, useless shit that will collect dust and be in the same spot next year. Spike the eggnog and start family drama.

The price to play.

The first recorded practice of taxes was in Ancient Egypt around 3000 BC. I hate to be the one to say this, but “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” This old concept is really fucking simple. Stop all this bitching about paying your taxes. I’m not going to pretend that I enjoy doing it, but I’m smart enough to understand the alternative and its consequences. So you don’t appreciate paying taxes to house and feed convicted felons? That’s cool. Let’s tear down the prisons and fire the jailers, and from now on DUI, larceny, rape, and murder carry only hefty fines. You get caught molesting little boys? No sweat, just pay your ticket. Why lock up killers and perverts when we can just let them roam free with the rest of us? I mean, that’s not worth any kind of money you want to pay, right?
I know most of you ignorant fucks probably couldn’t even find the United States on a world map, so I’ve circled the important part for you on this complex bar graph of income tax from 2005. Of course, this is just income tax, and doesn’t cover others (i.e. sales). But it will serve as a good comparison. To further assist you hairy apes, notice the average percentage for corporate tax in the U.S. is 10% higher than personal tax. You may also notice that the U.S. has the highest corporate tax in the world, just above Japan. Also, you'll see that personal tax in countries like France, Germany, and Belgium is almost twice as high as the United States, and their corporate tax is roughly half of their personal tax. Do you know what all of this translates to? Well, I’m no mathematician, but I think it adds up to: “stop your bitching or someone is going to stuff you into a small box and mail you to fucking Belgium, dickhead.” Again, that’s just my educated guess. Tea parties are for little girls and their stuffed animals. So just keep paying your taxes and shut the fuck up.

A grab bag full of bullshit.

In Washington: The Bush administration has apparently changed policy and cleared the way for the Justice Department to restart an investigation into the government's no-warrant electronic surveillance program, a department official told Congress on Tuesday. Hinchey and other Democrats have been asking for a probe into the legality of the domestic spying program. It involves using the National Security Agency to eavesdrop on international phone calls and e-mails from people inside the United States with suspected ties to terrorists.

Why the hell does any of this matter? Didn’t they change the law on this back in August (‘Bush Throws Another Donkey Punch’)?

By changing the legal definition of what is considered ‘electronic surveillance,’ the new law allows the government to eavesdrop on those conversations without warrants.

Yes, they did. But I see what this really is then. This is to make the administration look more ‘legit.’ Well, after the investigation ‘discovers’ that they never broke the law or some shit. Very creative, Orwellian even. Beneath the Bush, there’s a dirty pussy.


In San Fernando: A nearly indestructible pit bull menaced a pumpkin patch, claiming the lives of an innocent cat and rabbit, before police overpowered it with brute force, authorities said today. An officer arrived and tried to ensnare the pit bull with a leash, but it knocked her over and bolted down Celis Street. "It became evident that the Animal Control officer was unable to recover from her fall and that the officers were forced to take immediate action," the police report read. The officers elected to ram the dog, running over it three times before it gave up.

Yes, you read that correctly. The cops said that stubborn dog refused to give up twice before finally surrendering after the third passing of two tons of metal. But I bet if you asked the dog, he gave up after the first. Or he’s a fucking robot.


In New York: A young man carrying what turned out to be a hairbrush died Monday night in a hail of bullets fired by New York police. The teen put an object under his shirt and told his mother around the time she phoned 9-1-1 that he was going to say he had a gun. Twenty shots were fired; Coppin was struck eight times. Kelly said the teen's mother reported he had not taken his anti-depressant and anti-psychotic medication.

The shooting came a year after unarmed groom Sean Bell, 23, was killed hours before his wedding in a shooting involving New York police. In 1999, unarmed African immigrant Amadou Diallo, 22, died when police in the Bronx shot him 19 times (the latter being the subject of the song “Contempt Breeds Contamination” by Trivium, in which police fired 41 shots total). Bystander Dyshawn Gibson described Monday's shooting to CNN affiliate WABC-TV. "He dropped the brush," Gibson said. "He put his hands up. Police just started firing."

Not much needs said here. Cops shot a man who never showed them his ‘weapon’ or fired one round, even if the bystander is full of it. Apparently it happens a lot with the NYPD. “This isn't justice, this is corruption.”


In Grinnell, Iowa: The college student who was told what question to ask at one of New York Sen. Hillary Clinton's campaign events said "voters have the right to know what happened" and she wasn't the only one who was planted. She said a senior Clinton staffer asked if she'd like to ask the senator a question after an energy speech the Democratic presidential hopeful gave. "I said 'Yeah, can I ask how her energy plan compares to the other candidates' energy plans?'" Gallo-Chasanoff said Monday night.

According to Gallo-Chasanoff, the staffer said, 'I don't think that's a good idea, because I don't know how familiar she is with their plans.' He then opened a binder to a page that, according to Gallo-Chasanoff, had about eight questions on it. "The top one was planned specifically for a college student," she added. "It said 'college student' in brackets and then the question."

Topping that sheet of paper was the following: "As a young person, I'm worried about the long-term effects of global warming. How does your plan combat climate change?" While she acknowledged "it's possible that all campaigns do these kind of tactics," she said that doesn't make it right.

They say kids don’t care? There’s why. That’s Maple Nut Crunch you’re smelling after waking up in front of Laurence Fishburne. Don’t get mad. Do what I plan to do in the ’08 elections: absolutely nothing.

Former presidential adviser David Gergen said the front-runner's campaign could take a hit from the incident. "When a campaign plants a question, it's a pretty minor infraction of the rules -- like a parking ticket," Gergen said. "The problem here is it feeds a damaging perception of Hillary Clinton that she can't quite be trusted.”

Actually, how about this instead? If you lie to the public about your integrity and honesty, it’s not quite like getting a parking ticket. It’s like having DUI’s and becoming a driver’s ed teacher. Get bent.

These lazy bastards we call kids.

This is from PeoplePC news: Jesse Lackman says his son spends a dozen hours a week waging medieval combat across the dreary dreamscapes of computer games. Just don't expect to find Lackman sitting beside him battling ogres and dragons. “It's just such a waste of time," said Lackman, 47, a power plant operator from Center, N.D. "I tell him, 'Do something that has some lasting value.'"

I couldn’t have said it better. Well, unless I tried to. But Mr. Lackman has a point. His son could be doing so many other, more productive things, such as: watching television, reading the shitty local newspaper, avoid spending time with his family by working 60+ hours a week at a power plant, or even complain to interviewers about how pathetic kids are today. Lead by example, I guess. But Mr. Lackman’s son can’t be the only kid in America to play numerous hours of video games:

"I don't think it's good for them, the violence, the obsession," said Karen Kimball, 55, of Hale, Minn., another nonplayer who estimates her 17-year-old son plays 25 hours weekly. "No longer is it, 'Let's go out and throw a football.'"

That’s a very good point. Stop playing violent video games, and play a relaxing sport like football. Kids are just so fucked up today. They don’t respect their elders or authority, they don’t care about politics or religion, they don’t plan for their future or understand the concept of money, and they’re too lazy to leave the house. Wait a minute? Was I talking about kids or adults? Damn…

I guess it’s my turn to bitch. Know what I’m tired of? I’m tired of post-baby boomer, free love hippies who rebelled more than any fucking generation in history, who’ve never fought in any wars, who did more drugs than mankind as a whole, caused the divorce rate in this country to triple within the last thirty years, started a gluttony epidemic with obesity, and without having ever attained a college degree, proceed to lecture children on their mistakes and being apathetic and spoiled while they smoke the cigarettes they’ve tried to quit more times than years they’ve been alive as they sit in the middle of their sixth straight hour of watching shitty sitcoms and fake ass reality shows.

But maybe I’m being too harsh. I’m forgetting that most of these parental critics spend their spare time as actors on Broadway, volunteering aid in Africa, assisting local political campaigns, and fostering multiple children at a time. I hope you shallow fucks all burn in your irony and self-admiration.

Update (11/13/07):

Here's an article from a mother promoting video games. Doesn't happen too often: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/danielle-crittenden/why-your-kids-should-play_b_32365.html

She says the more her son plays "Call of Duty," the more he wants to learn about WWII. So now you all know how I got to be so fucking brilliant.

From sucking cock to saving it.

I’ve never really given a fuck about the overrated actors and musicians that feel the need to inform us what they believe about religion, politics, abortion, economics, premarital sex, or whatever other bullshit issues this stupid nation concerns itself with. I figure, these assholes can’t be any smarter than the average American, and I hear that shit from those people everyday. With cunts like Fall Out Boy, Good Charlotte, Pink, and The Black Eyed Peas siding with PETA and “speaking out” against eating meat, which isn’t exactly a new concept, I’m afraid I have to draw the line when a fucking porn star, the “Queen of Sex," tells me not to eat fried chicken. Apparently Jenna Jameson has joined forces with some pretty incredible people:

“Please join Pamela Anderson, Sir Paul McCartney, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, The Rev. Al Sharpton, and countless other kind people worldwide by not eating at KFC.”

This is all part of the “Kentucky Fried Cruelty” bullshit propaganda from PETA, much like the “Truth” commercials that lie to you about the lies from the tobacco industry. Maybe what both of these organizations are trying to obtain are just goals, but when you lie and deceive to achieve them, they’re no longer pure goals. They’re just as corrupt as those they’re attempting to destroy.

Now, I knew that Pam Anderson was a spokesperson for these douches, and had a video you could watch on their site. But I really wonder if anyone has actually seen it, considering the difference with this one from her last video was that she is now talking about cock instead of deep-throating it. Actually, if they wanted people to watch it, they should just label it accordingly.

So, not content with just having a slut, these vegans pricks have acquired a real, live prostitute to speak to the youth about the bad decisions they’re making. Nice fucking work. What the fuck are they thinking? Do they really expect people to swallow this? Even Jenna doesn’t (she’s a spitter). Is this who our fucking kids are supposed to look up to and agree with? Jenna Jameson and Pamela Anderson? Jen, just stick to what you know, like tit-fucking, anal beads, and double penetration, you stupid fucking whore. The only meat you need to concern yourself with is about to shoot you in the face, bitch.

So do those stupid fucking animals a favor and eat them. Otherwise they’ll no longer serve a purpose and you’ll make them feel worthless and empty inside. Do the right thing. Go here, use their own weapons against them, and make your own sign: http://signgenerator.kfccruelty.com/ or indulge yourself and attempt a different lifestyle opposing vegetarianism: http://www.i-mockery.com/meatatarian/

2012: Doomsday or huge fucking party?

Surely by now everyone's heard about the new prophecy agenda and their hellfire and brimstone predictions. Apparently these desperate fucks are even using another religion (albeit, a dead one) to foretell of the coming end. The Mayans had their own calendars, for all of you ignorant dung-dwelling monkeys, and the last date that they recorded was December 21^st of 2012 (or 12/21/2012, much more reliable than 06/06/06). Since people got sick of hearing half-assed Revelations prophecies, as if Man would possibly be allowed to know the date, they’ve instead opted to misinterpreting and stealing a completely different culture’s predictions.

First of all, should we really trust the prophecies of a nation that socially collapsed around 1200 AD and was completely conquered by the late 1690’s? They can predict the end of the world but not themselves? It reminds me of the psychic in town that got arrested. I guess the bitch didn’t see that one coming. Second, they’ve cried wolf so many times now that if God himself told us, we still wouldn’t believe it. It’s funny though, that more people were afraid of Y2K and their electricity going off than of the world coming to an end. Just priorities, I guess. But personally, I prefer The X-Files explanation that it will be an alien invasion, either to get me the fuck out of here or to take everyone else away. Or better yet, if the Earth is still here, and there actually is intelligent life that eventually lands here, then what will they think when they find a 2013 Dodge Dakota? It’s gonna fuck them all up.

Regardless, I hope it all does end in 2012. The end of the world is probably the only thing that’s going to shut them up. If they’re so inclined to die, then why don’t they just off themselves and spare us this bullshit? I tell you what though, if it does end December 21^st, 2012, I’ll let them say one last thing before we go: “I told you so.” If not, tough shit. You know what kings in the Dark Ages did to seers that didn’t see shit? They chopped off their fucking heads. I’ll have the axe ready, you jaded, shroom-eating cunts.

More than Moore, more or less.

I recently acquired an illegal copy, fitting enough, of “America: Freedom to Fascism” directed by Aaron Russo, “a documentary that explores the connection between income tax collection and the erosion of civil liberties in America.” Basically, this 2005 documentary brings to light some astonishing revelations, that apparently federal income tax and the filing of your 1040 every year is in actuality unconstitutional. The film first claims, then proves that there is actually no law requiring the American working class to pay a tax on their wages. Oddly, I came into possession of this ’05 film just days after the director’s death from cancer.

After a bit of research myself, there appears to be reasonable arguments on both sides, though more leaning towards Russo’s stance. Aaron Russo does (mostly) right everything that Michael Moore did wrong, including: more facts and less personal opinions, more interviews, and more informative, and uproots more than what the government is up to, but actually why. You won’t find Russo taking kids to K-Mart and asking employees that they take out the bullets that they legally sold to parents of a couple fucking morons. You won’t find Russo blaming Charlton Heston for school shootings, or pouring in gallons of bullshit feelings and opinions. Hell, Moore was even disapproved by Ray Bradbury, which you obviously have to see some irony in that. Moore denied Bradbury’s request to change the title and tagline. I will say that I admire Moore’s stance on pro-movie leaking and downloading, which is rare. But I have to wonder if it’s more propaganda designed to increase fandom. Or maybe I just hate the fuckhead because he pissed off one of my favorite writers. But does Russo really have more integrity in the film than Moore has had, or is he not quite as flamboyant at it?

There are many great quotes used throughout the documentary, but some are wrongly attributed, mixed with other quotes, or clipped and cut to incorrectly accuse the originator of ill intent. Take for example the quote from Bill Clinton: “We can't be so fixated on our desire to preserve the rights of ordinary Americans." Sounds pretty fucking malicious to me, until I read the quote in its entirety: “We can't be so fixated on our desire to preserve the rights of ordinary Americans to legitimately own handguns and rifles—it's something I strongly support—we can't be so fixated on that that we are unable to think about the reality of life that millions of Americans face on streets that are unsafe, under conditions that no other nation—no other nations—has permitted to exist.” Moore, I’d say, more or less.

Regardless, there are very noteworthy quotes throughout the film. Edwin Viera says, “All the power is in the people. And to the extent that government becomes alienated from the people, does things the people don't want, power is transferred until you finally come to a Police State, totalitarian state, whatever word you want to give it -- where the desires of the people really have no consequence. They go out and they vote, doesn't make any difference which candidate they elect.” Oddly reminiscent is a quote from Joseph Stalin, “The people who cast the votes decide nothing. The people who count the votes decide everything.”

But perhaps I shouldn’t get hung-up on minor details, and instead focus on the overall message presented: If we truly should pay income tax, then why doesn’t the 16th Amendment apply and why isn’t there a law stating it? So therefor, what is it about the 16th Amendment that is disputed? “Article V of the U.S. Constitution specifies the ratification process, and requires 3/4 of the States to ratify any amendment proposed by Congress. There were 48 States in the American Union in 1913, meaning that affirmative action of 36 states was required for ratification. In February, 1913, Secretary of State Philander Knox issued a proclamation claiming that 38 states had ratified the amendment.” All sources list all 38 states as having ratified the 16th, even Wikipedia (though generally unreliable anyway). And yet, “The 4 states listed below are among the 38 states that Philander Knox claimed ratification from.”

-“The Kentucky Senate voted upon the resolution, but rejected it by a vote of 9 in favor and 22 opposed.”
-“The Oklahoma Senate amended the language of the 16th Amendment to have a precisely opposite meaning.”
-“The California legislative assembly never recorded any vote upon any proposal to adopt the amendment proposed by Congress.”
-“The State of Minnesota sent nothing to the Secretary of State in Washington.”

What it all boils down to is that “33 states engaged in the unauthorized activity of amending the language of the amendment proposed by Congress, a power the states do not possess.” Another dispute is what “income” actually entails in the Constitution. It’s nowhere described or defined in the document, yet the Supreme Court defines it as: gain from corporate activity. Not wages or labor. Another scary point brought forth is that the Federal Reserve is actually a private bank and not a federal agency.

There seems to be a massive amount of controversy surrounding the movie, which would be understandable considering its message. Many have tried to rebuke the evidence, or lack thereof. For instance, the IMDb states that there is factual error “when speaking of disarming residents in New Orleans the footage actually shows arrests by the California Highway Patrol.” Yet, the “Highway Patrol” shown raiding houses and disarming citizens are in fact dressed in army camo, two of whom are interviewed. I don’t feel like researching this particular topic, especially considering it’s the only scene in the entire movie to be regarded as wrong, but it did strike me as a little odd that they looked just like the Army, as he described them as. (Side note: the man in the picture above is my new personal hero. He is a former IRS Inspector who stumbled onto this information, that there is no income tax law, and inquired about it. He was fired for asking too much and now hasn't paid his federal income taxes in years. Stickin' it to the man, fuck yes.)

The documentary goes on to tell much more about the unlawful taxation, the Federal Reserve, and even predicts the (somewhat typical) Orwellian future that may be ahead. Many great points are presented, and some rather disturbing information is brought to light, though with a somewhat slight of hand. Despite this, it didn’t appear to me to be quite as bad as Moore’s attempts. Though with smoke and mirrors, it’s really anybody’s guess. In the end though, it’s still worth checking out. As a documentary, it’s well-crafted and gets across its point, however astonishing and enraging it may be.

“In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” –Benjamin Franklin

The art of arguing.

“I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.” -Dave Barry

The ability to argue is a skill, and just like any other skill you acquire, it takes practice. As we face even the smallest of arguments everyday, it would be acceptable to state that we all have quite a lot of experience in the matter. But being a history teacher for twenty or thirty years doesn’t exactly make you a good one, does it? Regardless, we are faced with battles of beliefs in our daily lives, and often without any intention of being involved.

So how does one go about winning these contests of will then? It’s simple, because it’s not about whether you’re right or wrong. It’s about winning. Your own beliefs, like theirs, are completely irrelevant other than serving as the basis for the argument. If you truly believe that you can convince someone of an opposing view to feel the same about an issue as you through basic reasoning and logic, then this isn’t a guide for you. There’s only one way for an opponent to come to an agreement or compromise with you, and that’s through violence. Instead, I’m going to teach you how to win an argument, and give you techniques on how to garner bragging rights and make your opponent feel like an ignorant sack of shit.

The Basics:

How can you tell if you’ve won? There are two possibilities to the outcome of an argument. One is the stalemate. This result occurs prematurely, usually ending with the other party becoming too upset to continue. You must prevent this at all costs. This conclusion is lose/lose and means you both fucking suck at arguing. The other result is completely and utterly exhausting their resources and potential rebuttals. Like baseball, there could end up being extra innings before it’s over, but unlike baseball, neither side is actually going to be declared a winner. This is simply distinguished by how well you perform and who has prevented the other from continuing.

One of the most effective ways to gain the upper hand is to simply not say anything at all. Just let them do the talking for a while. In fact, if given the chance, many people will reveal the flaws in their arguments by simply being allowed to speak. Just watch and listen, and wait for the opening in which the faults and weaknesses become obvious. Be careful not to lose your footing though, especially if they’re providing a strong case, as this could easily lead you to pondering too much on what they’re saying and not what you’re preparing to say when they’re finished. Keep focused and don’t become distracted or the battle will be over before you even begin.

Not everyone will be so inclined to speak their entire case so quickly, especially the ones that are more skilled than others. Asking questions is of course inevitable for both parties, but instead of just being a cog in the clock, it can be used as an incredible tool to give you the advantage. Vague questions are your worst enemy. Unfortunately all first questions must be vague. Break away from this as soon as you can. Your goal is to use as many rhetorical and trick questions as you can. Your questions are less of a means to information, and more for the purpose of distraction and sabotage. Confusion is you’re greatest ally, and you must use it well. Even more satisfying than destroying their point of view is making them forget it and everything they were going to say.

Things to Avoid:

Arguing is much like a driver’s license. It’s a privilege, not a right. Many people you attempt to argue with are going to realize very quickly as it begins that they are not going to win, and will often resort to restating their original premise over and over until it wears you down. In most cases, these people care nothing for winning, only to make you think and feel the way that they do about the subject. But as they begin to see that they’re starting to lose, they’ll instead try to spare themselves from the embarrassment of presenting a weak case and getting their asses handed to them by someone better prepared and more aptly skilled.

It’s impossible to prevent them from backtracking. No matter what you do or say, they are going to keep treading the water hoping they’ll last longer than you. Many arguments will be unresolved in these situations, but if you keep your cool and use your head, you can still extract some satisfaction by forcing them to explain their side. It’s understandable that you’ll become irritated at their games, but the best way to get them to continue instead of regress is dishonesty. Pretend to actually be interested in their point of view and request that they elaborate so you can better understand. If they’re no longer reluctant, then all you have to do is let them do the talking, and the giant, gaping holes in their pile of bullshit will become all too obvious. And the best part after they've explained themselves is that they can no longer continue repeating their original statements.

At all costs, you must not feed off of your emotions, even potentially taking a few steps back. Insults and a change in the tone of your voice, though effective tools for distraction, are not going to see you through to the end of the argument. Getting too personal will indeed cause them to lose their train of thought, but will immediately bring the equal or greater course of action back in your direction. It will become an inescapable cycle until one of the two parties will say something much more personal than the other will be able to accept, and then the argument is over. Instead, retain your composure, and if the other person opts to extreme measures, then play on their emotions, not feed. Anger is a great weapon, provided they aren’t too spiteful that it prevents them from continuing to engage you. Let their rage blind them and cool them back down. You’ll come to find that they’ve misplaced parts of their argument.

You also don’t want to pick apart everything they say. Find only the strengths in the point they’re trying to make and tear them down. If you dispute too many of the minor details, they will: (1.) Potentially become too angry to continue the argument, resulting in a waste of your time, and (2.) you will lose sight of your goal, which is to win. Remember, what you believe is irrelevant. Only winning matters.

Advanced Techniques:

Manipulation is a very useful tool, but practically impossible to master considering the great potential of backfiring. It’s basically an advanced stage of playing on their feelings and emotions. Using tools like guilt and concealing your motives and plans are effective only so far. Eventually you begin to either anger them by becoming too personal or they start to use the same techniques on you. Guilt is only useful when you can make them feel it without actually blaming them. This usually involves direct questions or actually pretending to take the blame all yourself, resulting in even more guilt on their part. This is what I generally consider fighting dirty, and should probably be used as a last resort. Though effective, it definitely won’t win an entire argument for you.

Reading and giving body language can turn out to be quite handy as well. Some tricks have proved the test of time, such as watching the eyes and posture. Some people can give away the strength of their argument just by how their body responds to the pressure and your own reactions. Take heed to control your own though, as most tend to forget this or even acknowledge it. Just as well, it’s actually in itself a form of manipulation, as you can force yourself to give the wrong impression in the situation. If you know you’re telling them a lie, then look them straight in the eyes and tell them as if you truly believe it. Don’t look away, and make sure to say it with conviction.

And what’s the most important tool of all? Planning. The others are techniques, but this is something you must redo each time. You must plan for all possible rebuttals and questions that the other person will have. More than likely their questions will not be used as distractions, but that’s not going to stop you from being caught off your feet by a few of them. You can’t let them use your own weapons against you or you’re both fucked. I should also say that you should never argue over a subject you know little or nothing about, or you’re going to get your ass handed to you, and you’ll deserve every bit of it. You’re in this to win, and you can only do that by ruining their shit. If you share in their embarrassment, even a little, then you lose. But if you achieve victory, you’ll feel great about yourself, and at someone else’s expense, no less. And that’s really all that matters, isn’t it?

Rated ‘R’ for “Reaching.”

I remember sitting in my comfy, little seat at the movies waiting for some badass trailers and seeing for the first time the preview for Rob Zombie’s “The Devil’s Rejects.” I, of course, was quite antsy, expecting another violent roller-fucking-coaster ride through Hell and back. The trailer fed my hunger, but as it ended, something just didn’t sit well. It was the rating. I knew before I even saw it that it would be a hard ‘R.’ That was a given. But it was the explanation for the rating that threw me a bit of confusion: for sadistic violence, strong sexual content, language and drug use. Language and drug use were nothing new. And over the years, for some reason, I’ve seen sexuality and nudity become one when the movie featured both, instead of separating the two. But strong sexual content?

Since when did the MPAA feel the need to use new adjectives, oddly enough on top of other adjectives already describing the movie. But even that wasn’t the real surprise. What really caught my eye was the sadistic violence. I just thought to myself, maybe they just fucking hate you, Rob. But I shook it off, and as time went on, I started noticing more and more descriptive adjectives prefixing the staple explanations we’ve become so accustomed to.

But recently, as I was watching “Zodiac” on DVD, I noticed a little switch-a-roo on those words and instead of sexual content, I found: ‘R’ for some strong killings. I didn’t really know how to take that. Was that an explanation or a compliment? As in, “those are some tight fucking murders in that movie.” Regardless, is there even an opposite to that? A weak killing? That sounds like an insult. As in, “you guys fucking suck at killing people on TV.” Either way, I had a good laugh.

So what the hell happened to the simple shit that just told us what to expect? Or better yet, why were these explanations for ratings originally created? It was to simply inform the viewers of why that particular movie garnered that particular restriction. If the movie is rated ‘R,’ then they have to explain why annoying, little bastard children aren’t supposed to see it without their annoying, bitchy parents. To go beyond that is not only pointless, but arrogant. I enjoyed "Zodiac" myself, but those killings were far from strong. It’s bad enough that they tell us what we can and can't watch, but now they think they’re fucking critics too?

Another recent rating they’ve given is to the forthcoming “Return with Honor,” a movie about a pilot shot down in North Vietnam: rated ‘PG’ for sensuality, bullying, and brief smoking. Yes, I’m going to tear down all three of these fucking reasons. First, bullying? That has to be someone’s lame fucking joke, seriously. That is hands down the worst thing I have ever seen in a rating. I’m afraid I don’t even have anything else to really say about that one. I’m dumbstruck. Second is sensuality, which apparently is not as bad as sexuality. I’m guessing that there's more kissing beforehand, he buys her some flowers, tells her he loves her, and then calls her back after the first date. It’s nothing like sexuality, which would be dirty, sweaty sex in a truck-stop bathroom, anal or doggie-style, and in between hits of their crack pipe they'd hail Satan, right?

The last one is something I truly expected, but this is the first I’ve actually seen in a rating: brief smoking. That’s right, ass-hats. Not drug use. Smoking. And brief, at that. I’m not sure if you have noticed, but smoking has disappeared from movies and television over the past decade. I talked quite a bit before about how they were going to start rating for this, but this is the first I’ve seen them come out and say it in a rating. I’m caught being surprised between the rating itself and the fact that the directors/writers actually had the balls to put someone smoking in the movie, a ‘PG’ movie, no less. Props to Tom Hanks for sticking it to Big Brother and the MPAA.

I don’t really have any great solution. Problems like these are never solved. They’re only dealt with, accepted, coped with. The problem isn’t the people in power making decisions for us. The real problem is that we make pathetic decisions for ourselves and give the worst of the group too much power. You want someone to blame for ratings on movies, video games, CDs, and television programs? Then blame yourself. Indifference is worse than being wrong.

I’ll leave you with the greatest rating I know of, almost poetic: Rob Zombie’s soon-to-be-released “Halloween,” rated ‘R’ for strong brutal bloody violence and terror throughout, sexual content, graphic nudity and language. Now I’m sure. They hate you, Rob, and everything you fucking touch. But don’t worry. Even though I’ve been waiting for this one, I’d go see the movie based on that kickass description alone (well, that and your wife). See you at the movies, bitches.

Bush throws another donkey punch.

Yet again we let the president and his dumbass flunkies stick it in our ass and break it off. We all just sit idly by and most don’t even notice the rape, which is a crime in itself. Yesterday, “President Bush signed into law on Sunday legislation that broadly expanded the government’s authority to eavesdrop on the international telephone calls and e-mail messages of American citizens without warrants.” What this means is that the new law allows the NSA to do what they were already doing in secrecy, far beyond the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) established in 1978. “This more or less legalizes the N.S.A. program,” said Kate Martin, director of the Center for National Security Studies.

For a bit of history, FISA was amended back in 2001 after the September 11^th attacks, and became better known as the USA PATRIOT Act, or the Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism Act of 2001. No shit…? That’s a metric fuckton of pretty words, almost even more than I can swallow. But then I guess it’s not being shoved into my mouth, is it?

“The act increased the ability of law enforcement agencies to search telephone and e-mail communications and medical, financial, and other records; eased restrictions on foreign intelligence gathering within the United States; expanded the Secretary of Treasury's authority to regulate financial transactions, particularly those involving foreign individuals and entities; and enhanced the discretion of law enforcement and immigration authorities in detaining and deporting immigrants suspected of terrorism-related acts.” And the best part? “The act also expanded the definition of terrorism to include 'domestic terrorism,' thus enlarging the number of activities to which the Patriot Act’s expanded law enforcement powers can be applied.”

The real kicker was that the act was only supposed to last until December 31, 2005, but was pushed by a bunch of assholes to be permanent. So in July of 2005, Bush did just that, long before the deadline. Fast-forward to yesterday: “Previously, the government needed search warrants approved by a special intelligence court to eavesdrop on telephone conversations, e-mail messages and other electronic communications between individuals inside the United States and people overseas.” So basically this means that instead of fucking us in the dark, now they’re kind enough to turn the light on while they do it. It’s a nice gesture, but the next step would be letting us turn around to see who’s thrusting.

“By changing the legal definition of what is considered ‘electronic surveillance,’ the new law allows the government to eavesdrop on those conversations without warrants.” None of this shit is really news to us, because we’ve known all along that they were doing it. The real news here is that now they’ve created a law for themselves that says they can do it. There’s a six month expiration on this, but I’m sure before that happens that they’ll extend it or make it permanent as well.

But why now? Why the fuck should they give a rat’s ass about what we think? It turns out that telecommunication companies were giving the Bush administration a shitstorm of bitching to the third power, because they kept getting sued over allowing third party surveillance to their customers. So what did Bush decide to do about it? “The law also gave the administration greater power to force telecommunications companies to cooperate with such spying operations. The companies can now be compelled to cooperate by orders from the attorney general and the director of national intelligence.” “Compelled” being the key word there. Well, I for one am sure glad our troops are overseas fighting for freedom, because it looks like we still have a long way to go. But they are doing a great job: one tyrant down, one to go.