Paris gets some fake advice.

I'd still fake vote for her...for real. If you don't think it'd be any less ridiculous than the kind of people we vote for every four years, then you also probably don't realize that you're the problem today.

Fuck these condescending assholes.

Politicians get paid even when they lie. But technically, actors get paid to lie. Technically.

I generally don't like to base my opinions and beliefs on Hollywood or any of its resident estranged, pretentious whores.

If you want to vote, then vote. If you don't, then don't.

Stop letting movie stars and musicians dictate what to think.

Richmond looks like all Hell broke loose.

And I'm not talking about trees or power lines.

What the hell is wrong with you people? 50 mph winds, and you'd think we were one step shy of Armageddon. Crazy-ass drivers, fast food lines backed up to the road, and people stockpiling on gas.

I really am baffled as to how we're on the top of the food chain.

Silly monkeys.

It's time to vote.

In recent news, this “shocking” picture of Jessica Alba in bondage has surfaced from declareyourself.com:



“The new mum posed with her mouth strapped up in bondage-style tape for the campaign, which was shot by celebrity photographer Mark Liddel.”

But, “Jessica wasn’t the only celeb to take part in the shoot – Christina Aguilera also took the opportunity to make a visual statement, by being shot with her mouth seemingly stitched up.”


Even Andre 3000 and La Toya Jackson are pictured with a bowtie in mouth and a spike through both lips, respectively.

I think I know what message they're trying to convey here. I think this presents a truth I wasn’t ready to believe, that we, as a nation, are ready for. I believe now is the time to stand up and make your voice heard. Stand with me and vote to silence celebrities. Go to declareyourself.com and support the squelching of Hollywood.

Let me report the news tonight.

Evil knows no bounds.

Apparently in Sugar Hill, New Hampshire an old woman, who probably shouldn’t have been driving in the first place, wrecked her car, setting the hag’s vehicle on fire. As if this wasn’t enough, two men violently pulled her frightened body out and attempted to car-jack the old broad with a razorblade. Luckily the car exploded in a great pyre before they were able to take it to use for their drug trafficking or armed robbery or whatever they were planning to do with it. At least, that’s what I got from it when I skimmed through it. I didn’t actually read it, but the title said it all. See for yourself:

http://www.wmur.com/family/17425534/detail.html#-

Ugly baby gets a new home.

In North Bay Village, Florida a “horrid” baby was found in the bushes. Apparently the ugly wretch was justifiably hideous enough for the mother to give her spawn away to the shrubs. The police officers and child service representatives were so appalled by its features that they left it in the bushes and thanked the mother for her effort. The full story’s found here:

http://www.local10.com/news/17429991/detail.html

I’ve never seen anyone move that fast.

In Milwaukee firefighter Lt. Ron Firnrohr (or Fenrir for short) dodged multiple bullets on a routine call for a fender-bender. “This shit ain’t nothing new, “ admitted Fenrir, “comes with the job.” Statistics prove that most fender-benders in Milwaukee end in epic gunfights and firefighters have become so accustomed to dodging them that “when the time comes, they won’t have to.” See for yourself:

http://www.wisn.com/cnn-news/17424850/detail.html

Defeat is something hard to admit.

In New York Melody Gardot has given up on trying to walk, blaming an accident she had when she was 19. Instead of reaching for the stars, which are a few feet farther away from her now, she has decided Plan B ain’t so bad. Using the notoriety of her less-able-ness, Melody (makes sense) figures a singing career is pretty safe, especially considering the gimmick of always wearing sunglasses and that most accidents don’t destroy your voice. Legs can really only take you so far. But a good song lasts 3 or 4 minutes. The quitter’s tale is told here:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/Music/09/04/melody.gardot/index.html

Well, that’s all I skimmed through tonight. The world sure is fucked up.

College presidents vs. the government and MADD.

I have to say, this is one of the most surprising articles in news that I've read in quite some time:

"In a bold challenge to the decades-old status quo, 129 college presidents have signed a statement calling on elected officials 'to support an informed and dispassionate public debate over the effects of the 21-year-old drinking age.'"

"John McCardell, president emeritus of Middlebury College in Vermont, organized the initiative. Eight presidents helped draft the statement this summer, and the group then invited presidents of all four-year colleges and universities to sign on. He says he'd like to see alternatives considered, such as a license to allow drinking by 18-year-olds who have graduated from high school and have obeyed alcohol laws."

"McCardell acknowledges he can't point to as many studies as MADD does. But the role of a debate is to scrutinize information, he says: 'Anytime somebody tells you that science is entirely on one side of a question, that ought to send up a red flag.' While 15- and 16-year-olds in many European countries with a drinking age of 18 or younger drink more often than their US peers, they have fewer dangerous occasions of intoxication."

I can't say much more than what's in the article already, but I do know that statistics are useless:

"With an average of 4.7 million viewers, the premiere of the second season of 'The Hills' was the most watched program across all of TV for viewers aged 12 to 34 and the highest rated cable telecast of 2008."

People are stupid, and stupid people configure stupid statistics.

A hybrid of both.

See more Paris Hilton videos at Funny or Die

It's a slim chance I'm voting this year, or ever, but if I do then I'll be penciling in her name. Especially since she wrote it, said it all without cue cards, and, in the end, could do no worse.

Red party, blue party. You're such a tool.

I need new friends, part 2.

Make that four openings. Just John and Brooke left now.

Actually, my phone didn't get shut off. I just changed the number and didn't tell any of you.

Assholes.

I need new friends.

There are currently three openings. The original three assholes have been ousted.

Pay: Offer of free dinner for two of the three friends (same as before).

Requirements: Don't all go out to eat and lie about where you were, when I got back with my food to find no one, after I tried to convince all three of you to eat with me for over an hour.

For further assistance, a good example of what is expected: Brooke, since she stopped by and we went to McDonald's.

Nothing to it really. Send me a resumé.

"You choked off the surest of favors."

Sometimes I say I might, which means maybe, which means perhaps, which means possibly, and I mean it. Not yes. Not no. Maybe.

Sometimes I say things, even first, and people pretend they didn't hear it.

Sometimes mistakes are made. Socrates drank himself to death.

Sometimes people get so caught up in their crusade that they eventually forget how many people are actually on their side, and might have even started the battle long before they joined. Sometimes people get so lost in what they're fighting for that they keep fighting even after the matter is resolved, and refuse to acknowledge it.

Sometimes people forget what balance is and that the excess of one extreme is unnatural and unhealthy, not to mention unbecoming.

Sometimes sacrifice outweighs selfishness. That's called character.

Sometimes people expect of others. Don't take what you're already getting for granted.

Sometimes I almost drown in the irony.

Sometimes I drink, smoke, listen to pop and folk, feel like going out instead of staying home, feel like partying at home instead of going to bars, love unconditionally, defend good people no one else does, get pissed when friends backstab, put down friends behind their backs, and come to me about problems they have with friends instead of going to them. Sometimes I don't plan for my future, care about public education, or even care about amounting to shit. Everyone around me has known this for as long as they have been friends with me. Why associate with me if any of it bothers you so much? Why associate with other people that you don't approve of? Don't expect others to change for you. You wouldn't do it for them.

This group will continue to dissolve because everyone is guilty. Compromise. Compassion. Loyalty. Forgiveness. Acceptance, if not the love, of faults. Scratch them off the list if you believe you have all of these when you're with friends. But you'll be lying. "Time destroys everything." Even convictions.

We all have high school diplomas now. I think we can all agree we're past that stage in our lives. Fuck these pissing contests. It's fucking tired.

Coddington in ’08.

I vow to make innovative changes with minimal effort or care. I plan to open up endless possibilities by doing very little, without concern or regard for your well-being. Taking into account the capacity of your feeble minds, allow me to explain my core issues with more detail:


Foreign policy

England: It's been, like, 500 years since we left England, and yet, here we are still living in its shadow. There are an awful lot of English-sounding towns like Oxford, Cambridge, and Manchester in America. Many major cities and states are also prefixed with 'New.' The town names will be renamed, and the cities and states will drop 'New' (i.e. 'New York' becomes 'York'). Furthermore, we will strike back at England and rename their towns with 'New,' thusly resulting in the formation of 'New America.' The common spoken language is also now called 'American.' New America will also be turned into a giant prison for American convicts, kinda like what old England used Australia for in the '50s or some shit.

France: After taking Paris by force using the Trojan Statue of Liberty and a metric fuckton of Navy SEALs, the flag of France will no longer be a blue, white, and red stripe, but simply a white piece of cloth.

Russia: Someone big will kick Putin in the cock, and Russia will eventually be forgotten and fade and die.

All other countries will no longer be drawn on world maps, which are all made in America, of course. Instead, the borders will no longer exist, and in the open space will be written 'undiscovered territory.'


Domestic policy

Considering you are reading this, then you must be mildly interested in electing me as president. And considering you are extremely interested in electing me as president, then you must trust me completely and fully to your capabilities. And by trusting me fully, then you no longer see any reason to have your own freewill or ability to think for yourself. Many 'unnecessary' freedoms will be revoked until further review (never).

Funding for any cure of any means will desist, and all research and advances in health care will be within pain relief. If you can't feel it, it's not there. Pills are good for you. There have been many steps in this direction over the last few decades. No need to back out now.

Education for children is a waste of precious resources. We have many factories that would make them much more useful. A twelve hour day still leaves twelve hours for them to pretend to be happy.

Beer will be served with kids' meals. American children have become weak and fragile. Diamonds are formed under extreme pressure and low temperatures. Not unlike a real man.

The word 'tax' will no longer exist. Instead, 'joyous patriotic gift' will replace it.

Imports will be a thing of the past. We will continue to export though, until the savages in the undiscovered countries no longer buy them with their offerings of oat, painted beads, and bags of rice. Then we will hunt and kill them, rape their women, and give them a holiday celebrating our friendship.

Unemployment and welfare will be demolished. If you can't work, you can't live.

History books are full of lies and very boring. They will be burned and rewritten to include spaceships, cybernetic organisms, and alien whores. The books will also be pop-outs.

Other issues

NASCAR will be a new Olympic sport. The only Olympic sport.

Pickles will no longer be cucumbers. Money will be invested in gene-splicing to create pickle trees.

Moon-shining will not only be legal, but encouraged. And awarded merits for excellence.

The urban dictionary will replace Webster's over-long run. Many words will be forgotten. Eventually even many parts of this list will become illegible, even for those not too dense to understand it now.


I'm not going to sum up the list in the conclusion, or state more reasons why you should vote for me. More than likely, you have already stopped reading because you are completely convinced by my massive intellect and decided to vote for me without needing to even finish. Coddington for President in '08.

Rorschach, my hero.

I decided to go back and reread 'Watchmen' after seeing the new trailer for the movie. I forgot how much I love the main protaganist, Rorschach. To give you an idea of how badass this guy is, here's some of my favorite quotes from him (of which most are taken from his journal):


Dog carcass in alley this morning, tire thread on burst stomach. This city is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The streets are extended gutters and the gutters are full of blood and when the drains finally scab over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their sex and murder will foam up about their waists and all the whores and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"...and I'll look down, and whisper "No."

*****

Soon there will be war. Millions will burn. Millions will perish in sickness and misery. Why does one death matter against so many? Because there is good and there is evil, and evil must be punished. Even in the face of Armageddon I shall not compromise in this. But there are so many deserving of retribution...and there is so little time.

*****

No. Not even in the face of Armageddon. Never compromise.

*****

People must be told. Evil must be punished...

*****

Landlady complaining about smell. She has five children by five different fathers. I am sure she cheats on welfare. Soon it will be dark. Beneath me, this awful city, it screams like an abattoir full of retarded children. New York. On Friday night, a comedian died in New York. Somebody knows why. Down there...somebody knows. The dusk reeks of fornication and bad consciences. I believe I shall take my exercise.


They had a choice, all of them. They could have followed in the footsteps of good men like my father, or president Truman. Decent men who believed in a day's work for a day's pay. Instead they followed the droppings of lechers and communists and didn't realize that the trail led over a precipe until it was too late. Don't tell me they didn't have a choice. Now the whole world stands on the brink, staring down into bloody Hell, all those liberals and intellectuals and smooth talkers...and all of a sudden nobody can think of anything to say.

*****

Stood in firelight, sweltering. Bloodstain on chest like map of violent new continent. Felt cleansed. Felt dark planet turn under my feet and knew what cats know that makes them scream like babies in night.

Looked at sky through smoke heavy with human fat and God was not there. The cold, suffocating dark goes on forever and we are alone. Live our lives, lacking anything better to do. Devise reason later. Born from oblivion; bear children, hell-bound as ourselves, go into oblivion. There is nothing else.

Existence is random. Has no pattern save what we imagine after staring at it for too long. No meaning save what we choose to impose. This rudderless world is not shaped by vague metaphysical forces. It is not God who kills the children. Not fate that butchers them or destiny that feeds them to the dogs. It's us. Only us. Streets stank of fire. The void breathed hard on my heart, turning its illusions to ice, shattering them. Was reborn then, free to scrawl own design on this morally blank world.

Was Rorschach.

*****

For my own part, regret nothing. Have lived life, free from compromise...and step into the shadow now without complaint.

The will to act.

After seeing ‘The Dark Knight’ last night, I had a little discussion and exchange of ideas with Lisa about vigilantism and why, more often than not, people do not do the right thing, or do what needs to be done. She asked me why society does not stand up for itself. I thought about it for a moment and said ‘fear’ was the reason. After thinking about it further today, I realized I needed to reevaluate some things I believed.

I used to believe that if pushed hard enough, every man would have his breaking point, and that every act a person took had a catalyst, a motive that would set him in motion to fix what he had been wronged by. I do not think so anymore. It is just easier to accept than it is to change. Fear is much more powerful of a force than hope. People become too afraid and hope someone else has the courage, the determination, or the will to act.

For years I have revered one of the opening lines to ‘The Boondock Saints’ in which the priest says: “Now, we must all fear evil men, but there is another kind of evil which we must fear most of all, and that is the indifference of good men.” But this no longer makes sense to me. Good men have no indifference. Good men do not just believe in good, and thereby become good themselves. Good men do not accept; they change. They do not fear reprisal or condemnation. Inaction is an evil in itself. So, most men are not good.

We all want to prevent tragedy and sorrow, and to stop war, murder, rape, theft, poverty, disease, political corruption, drug trafficking, animal cruelty, eco-terrorism, and inflation, yet no one stands for it. Believing is not a battle with a resolution, and fear gets the best of everyone. That is, if there is a best of us at all. Words have never changed the world, but actions have.

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." -Edmund Burke (1729-1797)

We want revolution. We want a change in the tide, and those responsible to be held accountable. Ignoring our own guilt, we hope that this dream will come soon. But I believe the more likely outcome will be that we will turn on each other first. Instead of standing up and taking responsibility, we will lose our morals and ardentness. Instead of demanding restitution and restoration, we will rob and steal from ourselves, and even while we do this, in our desperation and rage we will still blame everyone but ourselves. No one is going to save us. I hope I am wrong, but fear has the best of me.

“When the chips are down, this city will eat itself.” –The Joker

Start filling jugs of water, dipshits.

"The town of Losantville is without fire protection after the West Union volunteer fire chief and most of the town's firefighters resigned Monday night. Chief David Fisher walked out of a town board meeting, upset that the board expected him to request in writing five days before the monthly meeting any issue that he wanted to discuss. After the meeting, most of the other volunteer firefighters also turned in their radio equipment to the fire station."

Props to these badasses. Firefighters don't ever get the respect that they deserve. People always talk about cops putting their lives on the line, and firefighters rarely get mentioned. Fuck that. I, for one, find this story fucking hilarious. Firemen are always there to help. There's no crooked firefighters, like cops. So fuck Losantville. You bastards can put your own fires out now. Tough shit.

All my dreams died in Lewisburg last night.

Humid weather and cold wind. Then rain and rolling lightning. Just needed a few beers and I was ready for the tornado. But…nothing. After the storm rocked the shit outta Cambridge, New Castle, and Knightstown, and half-assed its way through Richmond I set out to chase the fucker down. Hoping it'd get stronger after it left the Richmond valley. I caught back up to it in Eaton, hail and all, and was right back in it by Greenville, but by the time I hit Lewisburg it was falling apart. So was I.

Then Bear called on my way back and said a second storm was coming, so I double-timed it back to Richmond, and waited for the sky to tear open at Chuck's. Fucked again. On the other hand, I learned what speed my truck tops out at…and what my career should be. While cloudscapes are badass, I'd much rather have a tornado at night, with a thousand flashlights, and then toss them into it.

Edit: Apparently the reports of a tornado touching down in New Castle and Cambridge were unconfirmed. There was only one confirmed report of a tornado, and that was in Lewisburg...10 minutes before I got there. Nice.