23 flavors that all resemble shit.

The 'vice president of marketing' for a soda company made a bet with a band that was popular twenties years ago that they'd never release the album that's been seventeen years in-the-making. Unfortunately, Dr. Pepper lost to Guns N' Roses, and now on November 23, every man, woman, and child can get a coupon for a free can of the shittiest cola in existence.

And while you're at it, pick up the shitty CD (Chinese Democracy), too. And yes, I've heard it. I downloaded it, listened to two songs, deleted it, and then took a shower. Wallowing in that shit for ten minutes made me feel sad and dirty. But then I felt like Axl: all washed-up.

"Coupons will be available for 24 hours, starting at 12:01 a.m. Eastern Time on Nov. 23, 2008. Allow 4-6 weeks for coupon to arrive. Coupons will expire on Feb. 28, 2009. Limit one coupon per person." 4-6 weeks and a limit to one per person based on the fact that there's not currently enough Dr. Pepper in the world to cater to the 300 or 400 people who will actually redeem their coupons.

"So get out your straws and chill those glasses, kids — the Dr will be in your fridge soon, all thanks to Mr. Axl Rose."

I guess this is all = bad taste x 2. Does anyone remember when Axl Rose wasn't a coke/meth/fuck/dick-head? Yeah, me neither.

'Ten Leagues Beneath Contempt'

I am the biggest fan of Cradle of Filth I know. That’s how I realized I am so badass. I was listening to Filth in junior high, while I was listening to Third Eye Blind and Sugar Ray. Metallica and Megadeth didn’t introduce me to metal. Dani Filth did.

In late 1997, when I was in 8th grade, just before “Cruelty and the Beast” was released, I stumbled upon the mp3 of ‘A Gothic Romance (Red Roses for the Devil’s Whore)’ from “Dusk and Her Embrace,” CoF’s second album. It was completely different from what I was listening to at the time, and I became immersed in black metal without really even knowing what metal was. It was before Tool, In Flames, Metallica, Children of Bodom, and Arch Enemy. I downloaded the rest of the album, and even their first album before it, “The Principle of Evil Made Flesh.” I listened to both for the next few months, and purchased “Dusk,” as well as “Cruelty and the Beast” when it released.

Since then, I’ve bought every album; EPs and LPs, all three DVDs, the “Cradle of Fear” movie, shirts, and posters. The only CD I never justified buying was the EP “Vempire or Dark Faerytales in Phallustein,” considering it was $23 for six songs (which I just downloaded instead). I brag about all of this for a reason. ‘True fans’ of Cradle of Filth over the years have drifted from each release since they ‘left’ black metal, and went for a cleaner sound. I’m referring to ‘elitists’ who claim the first album, or first few, of a band are the only worthwhile efforts, and any subsequent attempts are sell-outs.

This is interesting in Cradle of Filth’s case, considering the arguably best effort was in 2003’s “Damnation and a Day,” a concept album based around the devil’s fall from Heaven, his temptation of Man, and the events following. “Damnation” featured "the 40-piece Budapest Film Orchestra and 32-piece Budapest Film Choir and is partly based on John Milton's epic poem 'Paradise Lost.'” Definitely sold-out.

Ignoring the fact that they could simply keep “Prinicple” or “Dusk” in their CD players, they continue to bash each release more and more without giving any of it a chance. Ironically enough, some of Filth’s best work musically has been the ones that come under so much fire: “Midian,” “Damnation,” Nymphetamine,” and “Thornography,” the latter being the most recent and the most hated. So it’s no surprise that “Godspeed on the Devil’s Thunder,’ which releases at the end of this month is already despised by these cunts who claim to be fans of metal.

So I downloaded the torrent for it today. I still buy good music, like today, when I bought Amon Amarth’s newest, “Twilight of the Thunder God.” So fuck off. I wasn’t really sure what to expect, because it’s true that their sound has been changing lately, but that’s not to say that it’s horrible or it’s not metal. What I found out for myself was that “Godspeed” is the best music they’ve put out since “Damnation.”

“Godspeed” is a concept album, “based on the life of the infamous 15th century French nobleman, Giles de Rais, who fought alongside Joan of Arc and accumulated great wealth before becoming a serial killer, sexual deviant and Satanist.” Concept albums are well-known to Filth: “Cruelty” being based on Elizabeth Bathory, “Midian” being based around Clive Barker’s work, and like I mentioned before, “Damnation” being based around the devil’s fall to earth.

Just like some of their previous work, many songs feature the voice of Doug Bradley of “Hellraiser” fame, having him narrate the story while playing Giles, who the music is based upon. Without having all of the lyrics to the CD yet, I can still say “Godspeed” has some amazing penmanship, which is where Filth has always shined. Few can match Dani's singing abilities either. Musically, it compares best to their last effort of “Thornography” with the (somewhat) recent addition of Rosie Smith’s keys easily noticeable. My personal favorites from the album are ‘The Death of Love,’ ‘The 13th Caesar,’ and ‘Darkness Incarnate,’ but then again, I rarely dislike too many of their songs.

So in summary, fuck most Cradle of Filth fans, except me, and if you’ve never given them a chance before, you could. But I doubt that if you’ve never heard them before that it’s you’re kind of music. I hear Oasis has a new album out finally. Just go listen to that instead. “I saw the silver lining hidden in a mushroom cloud.”

"Godspeed on the Devil's Thunder" comes out October 28th. To hold you over, here's a guy playing a piano solo version of 'Cruelty Brought Thee Orchids' from the "Cruelty and the Beast" album:

A version of past events.

Yesterday, North Korea was taken off of the 'terrorist blacklist' after the North agreed to a series of steps in disarming its nuclear capabilities. "North Korea's Foreign Ministry said it will again allow inspections by the United States and International Atomic Energy Agency at its Yongbyon nuclear complex to verify the disablement process, pledged under a disarmament-for-aid deal with Washington and four other regional powers."

But in the 70s and 80s, eight Japanese were kidnapped by North Korean agents. So, naturally, Japan considers "that the U.S. decision was 'extremely regrettable.' He (Japanese Finance Minister Nakagawa) said that 'abductions amount to terrorist acts.'"

That's funny, because in 1876, Japan forced Korea into foreign trade with the Treaty of Ganghwa. Then in 1895, the Japanese assassinated Korean Empress Myeongseong. By 1910, Korea was militarily occupied by Japan and forced to sign the Japan-Korea Annexation Treaty. In 1919, over 7,000 Korean demonstrators were killed by Japanese police and soldiers. Beginning in 1939, over five million Koreans were forced into labor, and tens of thousands of men were forced into Japanese military. Korean language was suppressed, as well as its culture and artifacts. In 1993, Japanese Chief Cabinet Secretary Kono even acknowledged and apologized for Japan taking female Koreans as "comfort women" during this time.

During World War II, when Japan occupied Korea, the United States fought through South Korea and pushed the Japanese soldiers (and Koreans that were forced to fight) all the way to the border of China. This was done by Macarthur against President Truman's orders. The Chinese, fearing an invasion by the US, helped the Koreans and pushed back the US to the center of Korea, thus the creation of North and South Korea. The US installed a puppet government in the South (a supposed 'democratic-republic') and Russia installed their own government in the North (communist). The Cold War came into effect in the 50s and 60s, and the decades that went by created more and more of a rift between the two Koreas. It all puts a whole new perspective on our view of North Korea, doesn't it? Or Japan? Or us? I love how each country has its own version of history.

Also, "in August, North Korea backed out of negotiations with Japan aimed at resolving the abductee issue. If the issue is resolved to Japan's satisfaction, the government has said it would give North Korea as much as $10 billion in reparations for colonial occupation between 1910 and 1945." So, unless the North resolves the issue of eight Japanese, the millions of Koreans that died will never be apologized for, apparently. What a beautiful world.

Paris gets some fake advice.

I'd still fake vote for her...for real. If you don't think it'd be any less ridiculous than the kind of people we vote for every four years, then you also probably don't realize that you're the problem today.

Fuck these condescending assholes.

Politicians get paid even when they lie. But technically, actors get paid to lie. Technically.

I generally don't like to base my opinions and beliefs on Hollywood or any of its resident estranged, pretentious whores.

If you want to vote, then vote. If you don't, then don't.

Stop letting movie stars and musicians dictate what to think.